Self confidence: how to avoid losing yours

Ae you feeling a little low? Are you feeling like you are just not doing a good enough job, be it as a parent, in your career or in your relationship? Do you sometimes feel overwhelmed by it all, and wish that the train that is carrying you, chugging through life at pace, would just stop off for a lunch break and let you have some time to just take a breath, collect yourself, catch up?


I am struggling with those feelings at the moment. I don't feel like I am being the best mum, or the best yummiest wife, or doing the best job I could at work. But on reflection I realise that I am ignoring the positives: for example, my daughter gave me a beautiful piece of work she had completed in school today. She is now 6 years old, and in year 2 at infant school. Surely this is the positive feedback I need to pat myself on the back and give myself a gold star for "mummying"? Take a look below. What do you think?



So why am I finding it hard to shake this low feeling?

Because we all like to believe the bad stuff first. It seems to be a general human trait. Try this; think quickly of 10 things you'd like to improve about yourself, or that you just don't like much. Go on. Try it now. Fairly easy isn't it. I can reel off the first few without taking a breath.

Now think of 10 things you love about yourself, that you are "super" proud of, and wouldn't change for the world. Which task was easier?

Most of us find it easier to focus on the thing that needs improvement, on the one wrong spelling in a test where the other 19 were correct; in the one incorrect entry in a calendar full of multiple entries that are perfect; on that one TV recording that failed, rather than the hundreds that have gone without a glitch.

This programming is almost innate, but can be re-learned. Whenever you are feeling like I am today, lacking in confidence, remind yourself quickly of 10 things you have done today that were great. 10 things that went to plan, that worked well. Even if it's "I got the children to school on time." You've only got to look at most school records to know how difficult that job is for so many mums, so doing it well is a great thing.

Remember your successes. Do it daily, at a regular time if you can. Keep a diary by your bed and jot them down at the end of the day. Only the positives.

We all need a boost sometimes, and you can give yourself a great mental boost doing this exercise.

Take care. Until next time.