Who invented tights?
I could google the question and find out, but I really don't think that's a good idea, because whoever it is will be the subject of a fair amount of frustration emanating from me, and it's probably safer to direct that frustration generally out into the world so that it can quickly dissipate in all directions, rather than it having a specific target.
I have spent the last week constantly pulling up my tights. Yesterday, on the way out of the school gates after school drop off, I found myself intermittently taking extra large steps to try and keep the crotch of the tights from sliding further down my legs.
I have had to use damp hands, carefully slid up my tights, to pull them up properly after every attempt at actually pulling them up the usual way - you know, hands carefully pulling up from the bottom whilst trying not to snag them on a rough nail. The damp hands trick is a good trick and works for a while, but if you are caught sliding your hands up your legs in the ladies bathroom it can look a little strange. And then, inevitably, minutes later, I can feel the lycra slowly fighting back and pulling the tights back down again.
I've had to pull up my tights as soon as I've got in the car after the school run in order to stay comfortable (what views any passers by must of got had they looked into my car at the point when I was hitching them up around my thighs I dread to think). Even, as I write this, I can feel them slowly, but surely, venturing south.
A last ditch attempt to keep them where they belong involves tucking my camisole and blouse into them and hoping that my skirt doesn't drop down at the waist enough to show off this strange clothing arrangement.
OK, OK, I know what you are thinking, I clearly haven't got the right size. But when I do go up a size they end up so loose and baggy that they slide down my legs and create Nora Batty waves around my ankles (If you know who that is you are closer to 40 than you'd care to admit).
I hate tights.
The only trouble is, I love tights. They make my legs look normal (I am ghostly pale skinned), and they keep me warm (I am a wimp).
There's only one thing for it; the solution that I used to adopt as a skinny 12 year old girl; I shall wear a pair of pants over the top of the tights as well as underneath them.
Sexy eh?
