How do we motivate ourselves when we are not appreciated?

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

There are plenty of management books, courses, tools and research into motivation.  What motivates a person to work well?  From Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs (see left), to Frederick Herzberg's Motivational Theory,  we talk about rewards, monetary or otherwise, and their impact on motivation. 

It's well known that when an employee feels that they are not appreciated, their work quality suffers.

But as a parent, where's the reward?  It's not as tangible as a payslip, or bonus.  It doesn't take the form of monthly one-to-one sessions where you receive feedback on your performance; nor annual performance appraisals.  It doesn't come as a regular thank you.

In fact, taking you for granted is actually a key role for your children.  They need to feel that they can rely on you, always, without question. 

And, of course, you are not always their friend.  As their parent you are responsible for looking out for them, feeding them, clothing them, educating them.  You are also responsible for teaching them right from wrong, morals and ethics, how to be intrinsically good.  These lessons are not always welcomed.  They often take the form of stopping your child doing fun things, like eating mountains of sweets, or climbing up the dresser or staying up all night. 

Treat time

So; although you know, in your heart, that they love you.  They often don't treat you that well.

And so it came to pass, that after a day being dropped off at Grandma's before school, and being picked up from school by Grandma to play for a bit, my daughter did not react favourably to my arrival at 4.30pm to take her home.

I walked in the door.  She took one look at me.

Hurrumphed. (If that is indeed a word).

Stomped her foot and exclaimed "I don't want to go home".

And so here I am; immediately the 'bad cop'.  No welcome.  No hello from her. Certainly no kiss.

It got worse.

As we arrived home she said;

"I want Grandma to be my mummy.  You and Daddy can go and live at Grandma's house and she can live here".

A knife through my heart.

And I know what you'll say.  She was tired out.  Grandma let's her do things I don't.  Grandma can play without having to get the chores done, as she saves those until the girls come back home.  Grandma is able to be more fun.

And I know she loves me. But boy, oh boy, I considered, for just one second, handing in my notice at work just so she didn't have to go to Grandmas and maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't fee so guilty.  After all, I feel guilty enough most of the time; the press don't help with these kind of suggestions.

She gave me feedback; and thus my motivation is low.  No mothering bonus for me this year. 

What kind of feedback do your children give you?  Is it positive? Negative? A mixture? 

How do you get motivated?  

Click Comments below and let me know what you think.

 

Out of the mouths of babes (July 2012): Willies & Pirates

My younger daughter is now 3 years old.  I envy the things that she gets away with saying.

"You've got a big tummy mummy.  Like Mr Greedy!"  Gee, thanks love. And no; I'm not pregnant, just suffering from post holiday weight gain.  Thanks for reminding me.

"Our cousin can stand up to do his wee wee.  I can do that too."
"No dear, you can't.... No. Sit down please dear." Starts to panic "Really, love, sit down! You've got nothing to aim with!"  How did I further explain this?  "You know the water squirters we played with on holiday, that you can point and aim at whoever you want to splash?  Well your cousin has a willy that he can point and aim with.  But you don't.  If you try and do it standing up, it'll just run down your legs."  Her response?  "That's not fair! I want one"

"Dog's aren't pets, mummy".
"Yes they are dear."
"No they're not. They are dogs."

And her current favourite jokes:
1. "What's a pirate's favourite shop?   Aaaaaarrrrrrgos."
2. "What's Dora's favourite shop?  Boots."
3. "What's a cow's favourite shop?  Mooooooo"  (No I don't get this one; but she thinks it's hilarious!)

My children make me cry laugh every day, and I guess that yours do to!  So if you have a blog, then join in the Out of the mouths of babes linky below and share your stories with us.

Now grab a cuppa, unplug the phone, and enjoy the posts as they are added!  Whilst you are waiting for them, here is June's edition for your giggling pleasure! Out of the mouths of babes (June 2012)

Instructions

1.  Grab my button and paste it at the top or bottom of your post, to enable readers to get back to the main list.  (Please let me know if the code doesn't work.  I'm still a little new at this and nervous about copy/paste!)



<a href="http://yummymummyreally.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/out-of-mouths-of-babes-july-2012.html" target="_blank"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjt5azveiiksZZmggNV6qeT25_ZXxUA-5qkn34QsYFukvuawymxe_fMdQjVdFQCCm3iMLtMzERGlSQpXcUEoqx3FLWD1PLgyJnEe22JPG6NqGDz4OFDGhXAQofl6z2hU-NZKcfNnn_m5gr8/s1600/Out+of+the+mouths+of+babes+button+125x125.jpg" border="0″ alt="outofthemouthsofbabes"></a>

2.  Publish your post on your blog.
3.  Add your post URL to the Linky tool below and watch your post appear as if by magic to the main list.

Thanks for sharing!

Strawberry flavoured straws to make strawberry milk: Brilliant!

Packing for your holiday?

Wondering how to take a little piece of home with you to comfort the children? 

Our two girls have always loved milk. When you are breastfeeding it's easy enough to take your supply on holiday with you.  But when you are bottle feeding, or they've moved onto full fat cows milk, taking milk that they will drink on holiday makes for a heavy set of cases.

When the younger was 10 months old we took her and her older sister abroad for our summer holidays.  Because she was still drinking follow-on milk we took cartons of it with us along with bottles, sterilisers and bottle warmers. I survived with the smallest collection of clothes you've ever seen and actually had to wash underwear whilst on holiday.  I hate that.  The things you do when you have children!

And now; when the two girls are 6 and 3 years old respectively, I find myself packing strawberry flavoured straws, because recently they have moved onto milk with additional strawberry or vanilla flavouring added.  Just like you can add blackcurrent cordial to water, you can now add strawberry, vanilla or chocolate flavouring to milk. My girls love it.  At home it comes in bottles, just like cordial, so I didn't intend to take any with me.  But then, my husband discovered these straws.

He found them in Sainsburys.  They are plastic straws that have been pinched at each end; just enough to hold in small pink balls of flavouring; but not enough to stop the ability to suck milk through the straw.  So you simply take a straw out of the packet of five, pop it in your milk and drink through it.  The milk picks up the flavour as it passes through the straw.  I have no idea what ingredients are in them and I strongly suspect it's not the healthiest collection of ingredients ever.  But I'm under no illusions; these are a treat.

Very clever; and a lovely way to bring a little piece of home to our holiday breakfasts.  They don't take up much room in the case either! More room for maxi-dresses!


This is not a sponsored post.  It is purely me, sharing the products I love!  I have received no benefits or payment to recommend this product.

Britmums Live 2012: A review

Apparently "mummy bloggers" have power and influence.  This is supported by the 2 million people that the #britmumlive hashtag reached on Twitter over the weekend.  The Britmums Live 2012 conference played host to 500 attendees, but it's reach was far, far wider.

When I started blogging three years ago, I didn't anticipate that I'd be sat in a conference venue in London, surrounded by people who are batting off PR requests, being quoted in the national newspapers and being provided with numerous freebies by companies keen to get bloggers to review their products favourably. 

I felt a little like a fish out of water... to say the least!

Britmums Live 2012

It's Katy Hill!

The 2 day Britmums Live conference was incredibly well organised and the Agenda comprehensive.  An eclectic group of speakers had been booked, including Ruby Wax, Sarah Brown, Katy Hill and Cherry Healy.  According to the paperwork, top bloggers and experts were going to provide expert opinion and tips and techniques to enable us all to improve our blogs.

The highlights for me, other than the fun of checking out if my mental images of folk I'd never met were accurate (Click here for more on First Impressions), were the Brilliance in Blogging Awards, and the  Bloggers' Keynote.  I hadn't expected the showcase of bloggers and posts respectively to be quite so emotional.  I laughed, snorted, giggled, wept and was moved by the content.  Note to self: take tissues next time.

Unfortunately I noticed very quickly that the advertised 'titles' of many of the other Agenda items were, once you got there, not as advertised on the tin.  

Not as advertised on the tin

Ruby's Prevailing through adversity: how I bear the tsunami of all depressions didn't technically tell you how she bears the tsunami of all depressions.  She talked a lot about her new website and about whether we needed anonymity to discuss mental illness.  It was an interesting discussion; just not quite what I'd expected.

Roundtable: British Blogging now - this was one of the best discussions I saw over the weekend.  Carla Busazi, editor-in-chief of Huffington Post UK, was elequent in her questioning and control of the discussion. The bloggers on the sofa; from Danial Elton, Managing Director of blog Left Foot Forward, to Steve Keenan, online travel editor for The Sunday Times, gave a varied and frank opinion, which they didn't always agree on (refreshing).  The consensus appeared to be that bloggers were breaking down the traditional journalistic boundaries and opening up discussions that may not otherwise be had.  There was also an indication that the panel felt that many newspapers would very quickly move to digital only formats.

Crossing the Chasm

I was a little disappointed in the Blogger's studio: Crossing the Chasm, how to bring your blog up to the next level.  I think because no-one knew what they meant by 'next level'.  For me, it would be improving content so that readers were ejoying it and sharing with friends.  For many of the bloggers there, it was something different and so the discussion was at best a little vague.

The most useful practical tips that I scribbled down furiously came from Melinda Fargo who blogs at HerMelness Speaks.  She helpfully listed a set of things to think about; a checklist (and I love lists!). She has helpfully reproduced it on her blog here, which is good because my scribbled notes only add up to 9 things; not 10.  Ooops.

Of the other workshops I attended among the many on offer I found that the social media ones didn't meet expectations; I didn't get the 'manageable plan' I was promised in Creating a social media plan that works, I was just told to make one.  I wanted more.  I wanted nitty gritty. 


But I did get a lot of useful information from SEO tips and Legal Essentials; 55 minutes could have been doubled; and from Perks and Pounds by Erica Douglas; clear, concise, and delivered what it promised.  It was unfortunately in the minority.

And so, overall, I was left with a distinct feeling of not quite having got what I expected.  What I did get was fun, informative and in some instances incredibly useful; but it hadn't been what was advertised on the tin.

Newbie and Professional? 

 

I was also struck by the way the speakers assumed we were all experts - even in Beginners Blogging sessions.

Even Erica Douglas amusingly asked for 'hands up' those that are batting off the PR requests at the moment, as apparently she's being inundated.  That's lovely, for her.  But for us newbie bloggers who dream of being approached by a PR department, it's a little patronising and depressing.  Er no; I felt like saying. Not so much. Can you bat some of yours my way?

On another occassion a speaker said "Even if you've only got a 1000 page views a day".  Again I say; er no.  Still dreaming of that very big number and you are making it sound like it's pitifully small.

I just think the bloggers that have been doing it a while need to remember that their audience includes people who do know the lingo and have been around the block; but ALSO includes those that know nothing other than how to write a few elequent words on a blog post and hopefully entertain their readers.

Practicalities

I was also starving at the end of the Friday, to the point of feeling slightly nauseous as no food, other than the odd cake that we were too busy to spot and grab, was provided between 2pm and 8pm.

In summary

It seems like I've been on a downer on the event there.  Maybe it's the adrenalin that's finally ran out.

Maybe it's the realisation that the goodies I came home with were all for my children, and 'my' loot consisted of a TKMax compact, some anti-bacterial hand-gel, a paperback novel I'm not sure I'll read and 6 various packets of baby wipes.  You just can't please some people eh?

Suggestions

My ideas for an improved event next year include the following:

Food
Feed the bloggers on the first day; between the workshops and the wine and awards.  Many of us have travelled down before the start of the conference, not necessarily having time to eat much before registration at 2pm.  We are also mums, and so many are used to eating at 5pm before starting the whole bath, story, teeth, bed routine.  Instead, we were given the smallest nibbles I've ever seen at 6pm alongside free flowing champagne.  It was a recipe for many sore heads.  In our case, we hotfooted it back to the hotel after the awards and finally tucked into a delicious steak and chips at around 9pm.

The Lab
Have some workshops that are more informal discussions, and other's that are very technical - maybe calling it 'The Lab', where tools like Facebook, Google+, PInterest, can be gone through in greater detail, maybe even trouble shooting user problems there and then.

Newbie / Professional
Include some absolute beginners 'newbie' sessions, where subjects like SEO can be gone through in greater detail and a more basic pace for the newbies.  Similarly, faster paced advanced sessions for the pro's.

Say what it says...
Be careful that the speakers know what question they are being asked to answer in their presentation.  


And that's it.  My review.  If you have any questions about the event, I am happy to delve into my scribbles to see if I can decipher my notes!  The official Britmums Live site for more information and advance notice of next year's event is here.

Feel free to drop me a line at yummymummyreally@aol.co.uk, visit my facebook page here, or follow me on Twitter here at @ymummyreally. 

Yummy in my head, but not in real life? First impressions; before you've even met...

The notion of a 'yummy mummy' is almost entirely down to looks.  

Not solely; in my head yummy mummies manage to be permanently happy, smiling, glowing (from all the sex they are getting), kind, considerate and above all calm.  But, in the main, she is thin (healthily so, with strong muscles), fashionable and preened.  She has manicured nails, perfectly styled hair and perfect just-there make-up.  

And when I see a woman with those 'looks', I make judgements.  I judge how happy I think she is, I judge what television I think she watches, what music she listens to and what interests she has.  In a split second I have a fully-rounded person in my head.  Then, as I get to know them better, the judgements adapt accordingly.

What is interesting is that I also make the same judgements about people I have never met, based only on the smattering of information I know about them, what other's have said, and heavily influenced by my experiences.  

I do this before meeting them and often find that the image of the person that I was holding in my head; the temporary 'egg' shape that appears as your avatar before you finally get around to downloading your picture; looks nothing, and I mean nothing, like the person in real life.

This morning a friend of mine was astonished.  She had just met someone in person for the first time, but knew some of their family already.  She explained how, in her head, this lady was; tall, skinny, blonde, brisk, stern, business-like, suited and formal.

How strange then, that the person actually turned out to be; slightly above average height, skinny, brunette, shy, understated, jeans-wearing, friendly, relaxed, nervous and very informal.

My friend couldn't work out how she'd managed to get the avatar in her head so completely wrong.  She was intrigued how she'd formulated that image, and what experiences must have collated together to present that data.  She wondered what the family members must have said in the past to contribute to that mental image.

I similarly have had occasions where I've met someone, they've told me their name, I've said "Ohhhh, so you're……" and been shocked at how wrong my mental picture was.

Have you had any similar occasions?  Does your 'image' of someone change if you speak to them on the phone?
 

Have you ever thought that someone's voice didn't fit with what they looked like?  What is that all about?