Feeling like you are not a good mum?

I feel this numerous times everyday. I honestly think that if you permanently think you are a fabulous mum you are probably suffering from delusions.

Part of being a good parent is recognising your weaknesses and knowing what you are doing well and what needs improvement. We are not all perfect. Knowing this makes us one step closer to attaining success.

It will be different in other parts of the world, but in the UK we live in a culture where women are told in school that girls are more intelligent than boys. The exam statistics prove it. We are told we can do anything, be leaders, lawyers, doctors or pop stars - it's all available to us. We are also shown celebrity mothers, usually those in the film, TV or Modelling industry, in top designer wear, with perfect haircuts, running their children to school in 4x4s, playing out at the park in their designer jeans, and somehow maintaining a career without their mascara running. We think that this is what we must strive for. Everything. Woman have fought long and hard for us to have equal opportunity to men. We shouldn't waste the opportunity.

It's all an awful lot of pressure to have everything and do everything and to do it all brilliantly with fabulous skin and perfect nails.

Original Sprout Miracle De-tangler

This week we are testing Original Sprout's Miracle Detangler. I read another blog post on the product and highlighted it in my monthly Britmums Beauty Round-Up. I was then lucky enough to be offered a bottle to test out on my daughter's completely unruly hair.

 

The quote, from my daughter, on first use on dry hair, when asked by my hubby what she thought half way through the usual hair brushing process, was;

 

"Normally I say ow, ow, ow, but this time I haven't said a single ow yet".

 

Praise indeed. Having received that rave review from a 7 year old, need I go on?

 

Well yes, I ought to really.....

How to make time for your partner

 

Remember those days when you had all the time in the world to go to the cinema, have a leisurely romantic meal with your partner, stay out all night if you felt like it....?

Having trouble finding time for eating, never mind making time for your partner, now that you've become a parent?

I am over on Wriggly rascals today talking about making time for your partner. It's a tricky issue, and one that new parents have to address to ensure relationships survive the huge cultural and emotional change that children bring to the table.

If you have any tips please join me in answering a few short questions on the wriggly rascals survey to help another mum improve her relationship post-baby.

My post, Making time for your partner, is here, and if you need further tips on rekindling the lurrve try this popular post How to rekindle your relationship after having a child, here.

 

 

10 reassuring and helpful tips for getting organised: for mums whose children are starting school

Little Miss George started in Reception just over a week ago. Already she has brought home two reading books without any words in them; a sponsor form to raise money for the school; 3 separate newsletters with dates for parent evenings, school photo sessions, coffee mornings and encouraging suggestions that I attend the annual general meeting of the "mums and dads" committee; and lots of tales of playing with lots of Lego. If she was my elder daughter I would be wondering what on earth the school was playing at and would be feeling completely overwhelmed by the sheer volume of information.

If she was our first, I would have diligently attending the welcome meeting for new parents last week in order to be told exactly how important it was to read the reading books "the same night" and return the next day to ensure that the book was available for the next child.

I would be feeling under pressure to attend every meeting, and already panicking about the potential risk of forgetting to dress my daughter in appropriate "dress-up" gear on various fancy dress days to come.

I would be scanning every letter and marking in my diary every single event, without having a clue which pieces of information were more important than others.

As it is, I know better.

This year I am much more relaxed. Here's my list of top tips that will help you work out what information is important, what to prioritise and what to just ignore. I hope it helps.

Wriggly Rascals: A new collaboration

I am delighted to be involved with website wrigglyrascals.com. An excellent on-line community website designed to enable mothers to ask for help on any topic and receive personal advice via a survey of the sites other users. It's simple and easy to use; so if you've got a question and can't find the answer on my lovely site here, then pop over to wrigglyrascals and ask other mums.

Sign up here.

And read my guest post on how to be a yummy mummy at wrigglyrascals.com here.

 

Parenting advice: Do as I say, not as I do

I have lost count of the number of times I have seen a parent (sometimes me) shouting at the top of their voices at their children; "WILL YOU STOP SHOUTING AND BE QUIET!"

I understand the compulsion as I've have been there.  But it's interesting how often you see it happen: a parent asking their child to do something that they are not doing themselves. 

I've now worked out the solution for us in the case of shouting.  When our two girls are screaming at each other, sometimes in anger, sometimes just because they want to be heard over each other, I pause (to take a breathe and ensure to be calm) and make sure I walk right into the fray, crouch down to their level, gesture for them to look at me and I, ever so quietly, tell them that there is no need to shout at each other or me, as we are not a million miles away.

It's surprising how effective speaking quietly is.  The sudden change in volume, coupled with their need to go quiet in order to hear my words, has a drastic impact on the decibel level in the room.

Besides; I shouldn't expect them to be quiet if I am allowed to shout.  In the same way you can't teach children to be honest if you regularly lie, or to be reliable if you are constantly late. 

Are there any things you do, but that you try and teach your children not to do?  My vice is chocolate.  I try and teach them to eat healthily but regularly find myself sneaking a biscuit on the sly so that they don't want one too.  How bad is that!?

Click on 'Comments' below to let me know your parenting "do as I says", or track me down on Twitter or Facebook .

Morning Chaos! When the children just WON'T let you out.

Picture Credit: Truewoman.com

What's the worse thing your child has ever done to delay your progress in the morning? More specifically; to delay your progress first thing in the morning when you are, as usual, running late anyway and need to take them to school and nursery before getting yourself (dressed) to work.

My morning rush today included an impromptu bath and a hair drying session.  Hmmmm.  Not what you'd expect when the girls had a bath last night which included the full shampoo and conditioner treatment.  The problem, I think, is that they are now pretty independent and that lulls me into an unfortunate sense of security.

My problems started when I sent them into the bathroom to brush their teeth.  5 minutes.  Tops.  That's how long they were in there whilst I popped in my contact lenses and did my makeup in my bedroom.  5 minutes is all it took to turn them from two dressed and ready to go to school & nursery children into one "nude, stood in the bath with soap all over her, but no water," child and 1one "surreptitiously stirring a mixture of goodness knows what bath products in the bowl," child.

Obviously I was fairly taken aback.

"What are you doing?" I stupidly asked, as if it wasn't obvious that they were clearly having a bath and mixing a potion respectively 10 minutes before we are due to pile into the car.

I didn't panic.  Much.  They had luckily had enough fun and Younger (the one in the bath) was getting cold and was pretty keen to get out.  So I quickly rinsed her off with a sponge, lifted her out, wrapped her in a towel and asked the Elder to help get the Younger's dress and leggings on whilst I finished getting dressed.

The recovery was good.  I went downstairs and the Elder followed me.  The first thing I noticed about the Younger when she followed us was that she didn't have her leggings on.  The second thing I noticed was that she had very, very, very white legs.

"What have you done?" I asked stupidly, as it was obvious they'd decided that talc was required and had been very generous in the application.  The Elder rolled her eyes.

Luckily, the excess talc came off easily and the Younger happily carried on getting those leggings on.

OK, I am thinking.  We are still on schedule.  Excellent work.  Crisis averted.  Super mummying.

I hadn't quite counted on the sneaky nature of the Elder's morning sabotage.

It was time to quickly plait the Elder's hair.  Hmmmm.  Why is the top of her hair all greasy and smells fruity?  Could it be that in the potion-making stage upstairs she decided to condition her own hair?  Without water?  In just one spot?

Of course it did.

I had to quickly walk her to the nearest sink, rinse her hair to the best of my ability with her leaning back over the sink, so that her school uniform didn't get drenched.  Then hold the hair up, to avoid dripping, whilst she walked through to the lounge, to quickly dry it with a hair dryer.

How we got to school and nursery on time this morning I have NO IDEA.  Perhaps it was recompense for the ridiculous amount of rain!

So what's the best 'delaying tactic' your children have ever used?

How do we motivate ourselves when we are not appreciated?

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

There are plenty of management books, courses, tools and research into motivation.  What motivates a person to work well?  From Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs (see left), to Frederick Herzberg's Motivational Theory,  we talk about rewards, monetary or otherwise, and their impact on motivation. 

It's well known that when an employee feels that they are not appreciated, their work quality suffers.

But as a parent, where's the reward?  It's not as tangible as a payslip, or bonus.  It doesn't take the form of monthly one-to-one sessions where you receive feedback on your performance; nor annual performance appraisals.  It doesn't come as a regular thank you.

In fact, taking you for granted is actually a key role for your children.  They need to feel that they can rely on you, always, without question. 

And, of course, you are not always their friend.  As their parent you are responsible for looking out for them, feeding them, clothing them, educating them.  You are also responsible for teaching them right from wrong, morals and ethics, how to be intrinsically good.  These lessons are not always welcomed.  They often take the form of stopping your child doing fun things, like eating mountains of sweets, or climbing up the dresser or staying up all night. 

Treat time

So; although you know, in your heart, that they love you.  They often don't treat you that well.

And so it came to pass, that after a day being dropped off at Grandma's before school, and being picked up from school by Grandma to play for a bit, my daughter did not react favourably to my arrival at 4.30pm to take her home.

I walked in the door.  She took one look at me.

Hurrumphed. (If that is indeed a word).

Stomped her foot and exclaimed "I don't want to go home".

And so here I am; immediately the 'bad cop'.  No welcome.  No hello from her. Certainly no kiss.

It got worse.

As we arrived home she said;

"I want Grandma to be my mummy.  You and Daddy can go and live at Grandma's house and she can live here".

A knife through my heart.

And I know what you'll say.  She was tired out.  Grandma let's her do things I don't.  Grandma can play without having to get the chores done, as she saves those until the girls come back home.  Grandma is able to be more fun.

And I know she loves me. But boy, oh boy, I considered, for just one second, handing in my notice at work just so she didn't have to go to Grandmas and maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't fee so guilty.  After all, I feel guilty enough most of the time; the press don't help with these kind of suggestions.

She gave me feedback; and thus my motivation is low.  No mothering bonus for me this year. 

What kind of feedback do your children give you?  Is it positive? Negative? A mixture? 

How do you get motivated?  

Click Comments below and let me know what you think.