When your children need you less

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You experience a decade of being the absolute rock for your child.  They rely on you for food, shelter, nappy changing, cleanliness, getting where they need to go, when they need to go there.  You play with them, dry their tears when they fall, patch them up and help them get back on track.  You get completely used to thinking for them as well as you.  Your diary is full of their activities (not so much your own).  Life, if you also have a paid job, becomes an endless round of time management genius.  From meetings, to school pickups... on and on it goes.  It's thrilling, but exhausting.

During this time you occasionally wish they didn't need you so much.  Their call of 'muuummmm', starts to become more grating and less cute.  They seem to lose things constantly, and require your input so much that you rarely get to drink a cup of tea whilst it's hot, nor go to the toilet uninterrupted.

How to sell your parenting skills in the work place

Parenting versus Managing

There isn't a day goes by that I don't use skills at work that I learnt through being a parent.

Whether I am being encouraging; or expressing my disappointment at someone who should know better; managing conflict and assisting with calm authority, denying gossip; managing good and bad performance; managing relationships (and ensuring the team don't kill each other); teaching office manners, where it's OK to smoke - but "I really wouldn't because xyz", that "please", "thank you" and "you're welcome" are not optional extras, and finally, teaching that punctuality is a key measure by which you'll be judged.

Over and over again I find myself having the same conversations in work as I've had at home talking to my girls as they grew up.

And actually, teaching and training and managing the 6 and 8 year old is often much easier than doing the same with a bunch of adults who all think they know better. Some of which have never been taught how to spell. Some never got into the habit of saying 'thank you'. Some are learning new things and getting frustrated by the slowness of their learning. Many (oh goodness FAR too many) gossip and argue in the same way you'd expect on a playground.

 

Sell your parenting skills to interviewers

So if you are trying to get back into the workplace after having children you can absolutely sell your newly learnt skills in parenting as management skills.

How to survive the school holidays

To many parents, the prospect of 7 weeks of school holidays causes mixed and conflicting emotions. For working parents, on one hand there is an opportunity to spend more time with the children than the two day weekends usually allow, assuming, that is, you can book some leave. On the other hand, most working parents get less than 30 days annual leave a year, so the school holidays present a logistical childcare challenge.
You are torn between wanting to be delighted that the children are not at school, but actually feeling fairly gutted that the children are not at school.
This is also because the working parents amongst us don't get nearly as much childcare practise. We are just not used to entertaining the children, or indeed pointing them in the right direction of the garden/playroom/bedroom (delete as appropriate) so that they can entertain themselves. We spend our time getting very good at filling school bags with the right letters, prepping lunchboxes, prepping and distributing breakfasts and evening meals, bathing, stories and bed time. That bulk of time in the middle of the day that needs filling with other stuff? Well that's something of an enigma to us.

Feeling like you are not a good mum?

I feel this numerous times everyday. I honestly think that if you permanently think you are a fabulous mum you are probably suffering from delusions.

Part of being a good parent is recognising your weaknesses and knowing what you are doing well and what needs improvement. We are not all perfect. Knowing this makes us one step closer to attaining success.

It will be different in other parts of the world, but in the UK we live in a culture where women are told in school that girls are more intelligent than boys. The exam statistics prove it. We are told we can do anything, be leaders, lawyers, doctors or pop stars - it's all available to us. We are also shown celebrity mothers, usually those in the film, TV or Modelling industry, in top designer wear, with perfect haircuts, running their children to school in 4x4s, playing out at the park in their designer jeans, and somehow maintaining a career without their mascara running. We think that this is what we must strive for. Everything. Woman have fought long and hard for us to have equal opportunity to men. We shouldn't waste the opportunity.

It's all an awful lot of pressure to have everything and do everything and to do it all brilliantly with fabulous skin and perfect nails.

Juggling all those parenting balls? Join the rest of us jugglers at the Britmums Juggling Carnival!

I have a BRILLIANT collection of blog posts to delight your senses.  These are stories from real women about the real challenges we have juggling our roles as (in no particular order) mother, daughter, wife, employee, boss, sister, friend, entertainer, pot-washer, hairdresser, clothes washer, seamstress, baker, spider catcher, dancer, writer, accountant, author, reader, cook, card fairy (magically sending cards to members of the family you've only ever met once, but who you absolutely must send cards at appropriate points in the year), tweeter, sympathetic-ear, first aider, toy mender, story teller, dietitian, referee, taxi driver......... and that's just me!

Grab a Sangria.  Throw on your dancing shoes.  Join us for the Britmums "Juggling" Carnival.  A party for us to share how we keep those balls; clubs; knifes; flaming torches even; in the air, and maybe get a slice of 'me' time in the midst of all that juggling!

Working Mothers

Remember when you used to get school reports that told you how well, or not, you were doing?

Feedback is always useful, but todays feedback from my four year old wasn't great.  I drove through the countryside, up and down hills and winding lanes to get from work to her Nursery by 4pm. 

In my previous, part time work, I would have picked her up half an hour early having collected her older sister from school.

But now, in my full time role, I cannot leave until 3.30pm, meaning I can collect her on time, but no longer early.  I feel like I should emphasise the "on time" bit there.

Tonight, when I collected her, I was a few minutes later than other mums but still "on time" and so she wasn't the first child to be picked up.

She wasn't happy.

"Hello lovely" I said. "Have you had a nice day?"

She frowned at me and didn't answer.

"Oh dear," I said. "What's the matter".

Her bottom lip came out and she spoke in that quiet whiny voice that all parents know and love.

"I wanted you to be first" she whined.

Great. I had rushed out of work so that she could be picked up at normal time and can therefore be home for tea, and it still wasn't good enough.

My school report for the day? "Must try harder".

I suspect that report won't change much!