How to sell your parenting skills in the work place

Parenting versus Managing

There isn't a day goes by that I don't use skills at work that I learnt through being a parent.

Whether I am being encouraging; or expressing my disappointment at someone who should know better; managing conflict and assisting with calm authority, denying gossip; managing good and bad performance; managing relationships (and ensuring the team don't kill each other); teaching office manners, where it's OK to smoke - but "I really wouldn't because xyz", that "please", "thank you" and "you're welcome" are not optional extras, and finally, teaching that punctuality is a key measure by which you'll be judged.

Over and over again I find myself having the same conversations in work as I've had at home talking to my girls as they grew up.

And actually, teaching and training and managing the 6 and 8 year old is often much easier than doing the same with a bunch of adults who all think they know better. Some of which have never been taught how to spell. Some never got into the habit of saying 'thank you'. Some are learning new things and getting frustrated by the slowness of their learning. Many (oh goodness FAR too many) gossip and argue in the same way you'd expect on a playground.

 

Sell your parenting skills to interviewers

So if you are trying to get back into the workplace after having children you can absolutely sell your newly learnt skills in parenting as management skills.

How to survive the school holidays

To many parents, the prospect of 7 weeks of school holidays causes mixed and conflicting emotions. For working parents, on one hand there is an opportunity to spend more time with the children than the two day weekends usually allow, assuming, that is, you can book some leave. On the other hand, most working parents get less than 30 days annual leave a year, so the school holidays present a logistical childcare challenge.
You are torn between wanting to be delighted that the children are not at school, but actually feeling fairly gutted that the children are not at school.
This is also because the working parents amongst us don't get nearly as much childcare practise. We are just not used to entertaining the children, or indeed pointing them in the right direction of the garden/playroom/bedroom (delete as appropriate) so that they can entertain themselves. We spend our time getting very good at filling school bags with the right letters, prepping lunchboxes, prepping and distributing breakfasts and evening meals, bathing, stories and bed time. That bulk of time in the middle of the day that needs filling with other stuff? Well that's something of an enigma to us.

Feeling like you are not a good mum?

I feel this numerous times everyday. I honestly think that if you permanently think you are a fabulous mum you are probably suffering from delusions.

Part of being a good parent is recognising your weaknesses and knowing what you are doing well and what needs improvement. We are not all perfect. Knowing this makes us one step closer to attaining success.

It will be different in other parts of the world, but in the UK we live in a culture where women are told in school that girls are more intelligent than boys. The exam statistics prove it. We are told we can do anything, be leaders, lawyers, doctors or pop stars - it's all available to us. We are also shown celebrity mothers, usually those in the film, TV or Modelling industry, in top designer wear, with perfect haircuts, running their children to school in 4x4s, playing out at the park in their designer jeans, and somehow maintaining a career without their mascara running. We think that this is what we must strive for. Everything. Woman have fought long and hard for us to have equal opportunity to men. We shouldn't waste the opportunity.

It's all an awful lot of pressure to have everything and do everything and to do it all brilliantly with fabulous skin and perfect nails.

Juggling all those parenting balls? Join the rest of us jugglers at the Britmums Juggling Carnival!

I have a BRILLIANT collection of blog posts to delight your senses.  These are stories from real women about the real challenges we have juggling our roles as (in no particular order) mother, daughter, wife, employee, boss, sister, friend, entertainer, pot-washer, hairdresser, clothes washer, seamstress, baker, spider catcher, dancer, writer, accountant, author, reader, cook, card fairy (magically sending cards to members of the family you've only ever met once, but who you absolutely must send cards at appropriate points in the year), tweeter, sympathetic-ear, first aider, toy mender, story teller, dietitian, referee, taxi driver......... and that's just me!

Grab a Sangria.  Throw on your dancing shoes.  Join us for the Britmums "Juggling" Carnival.  A party for us to share how we keep those balls; clubs; knifes; flaming torches even; in the air, and maybe get a slice of 'me' time in the midst of all that juggling!

Juggling all the balls, multi-tasking and time management!

I was rummaging through some old draft posts this morning and came across this..

"Today has been a tricky day.  Not in any grand sense; it's not like we've been fighting dragons or juggling eggs, we'll save those fun activities for some other time; no, it's just been a little tricky.

I went back to work today, after being ill last week, and got myself all caught up.  But my job means that, at this time of year, it is busy and pressured, and a missed day sets me back just too far.  So instead of being off on leave tomorrow, like I'd planned, I decided that I'll need to go into work.  And since neither set of Grandparents happen to be available for babysitting duties tomorrow, then our younger girl, still 3 years old, will be going to Nursery for an extra day.

I had to arrange that, last minute, at 4pm today.  Luckily they have space for her.

Regular readers will already have guessed that I am feeling guilty that I won't be spending the day with her like I'd planned.  But, although I feel guilty, I remind myself that my part-time, annualised hours, flexible working contract means that I will be off work for pretty much the whole of July and August. A contract like that is only possible when you ensure you meet the deadlines you are supposed to when you are there.

At the moment work is busy, meaning I get less time with the children.  But I know I will make it up to them.  And every day, when I pick them up from school and nursery at 3.15pm, I try and ensure to spend time with them then.  To enjoy the evening with stories and lullabies and to balance the day.

It was a tricky day, because it felt like a tricky decision.  But it wasn't really.  It was a decision I'd actually made 2 years ago when I returned to work.

Working mums face this kind of decision every day.  How do you get the right balance?  How flexible are your employees?"

It was interesting to read back to this post, drafted over 6 months ago and never published, because this week I started back at work, in a new job, full time.  Yes.  Let me repeat that - FULL TIME!

The youngest isn't at school yet - that excitement will have to wait until September - but a brilliant opportunity came up and I went for it.

Interestingly I haven't felt particularly guilty this week.  The eldest is absolutely thrilled at being able to stay at After School Club with her mates for an hour after school.  On Thursdays I can now pick them up earlier, weirdly, as I'm not trying to shove work hours into fewer days, and the hubby has seen more of the girls and been able to attend his first parents evening.

All in all, going back full time seems to have forced us to create a better balance of childcare and be more organised on the logistics front (I already know at least 6 different routes to work, and have properly started meal planning, which is incredibly useful as it resulted in a slow-cookered meal being ready for us after work!)

And, I feel more like myself again.  The intellectual challenge will mean that I sleep well!

So how do you manage working and parenting?  Any tips?  Feel free to share them below.

Domestic goddess tips: Washing powder scoops

 
No longer are we sold scoops with our washing powder. 

When you ring the number on the box to request one, you are sent a cardboard container that lasts approximately 10 seconds. (Alright; I might be exaggerating.. but not a lot)

So here's my tip.  You simply need an old clean plastic milk container, your existing cardboard scoop (or some way of measuring quantities), a permanent marker and some scissors.

Cut the milk bottle, as shown in the picture and, using your old scoop, measure the standard amount you need for a wash and pour it into your milk bottle scoop. 

Mark, with a permanent marker, the level the powder reaches.  You can mark more than one level for the various different types of wash you do.

And there you have it.  A new scoop.

It will, eventually bend at the edges, but it lasts longer than the cardboard version, can stand up with powder in it, and it's easy to make a replacement.

You can also use this idea to make impromptu spades for children that break their plastic ones playing in the sand. 

I'd like to give a shout out to the children's programme 'Balamory' which is where this idea came from.

If you have any other tips to make the household chores a little easier or to save a few pennies, please get in touch and I'll share them with other readers.  Please click on your preferred coffee cup over to the right and send me your ideas.
 

A mother's guilt over a new job

Parenting forums contain a common thread. Whether it's Britmums, Mumnet, Netmums or your local equivalent, there will be a mother on a forum mentally beating herself up for going to work.

In this blog post I am concerned with mums who choose to go back to work, but technically could probably stay home if they wanted. I am one of those mums.

I don't, technically, have to work.  But I was brought up in the late 70s and early 80s on a diet of material girl Madonna and the Brat pack.  My mum returned to work when I was about 12 yrs old and my sister had just started school.  I grew up learning to be financially independent by working with my mum in her hair salon on Saturday mornings as soon as I could.  If memory serves I was about 15 or 16 years old.  I have, since then, always had a job, whether its been working behind a bar 12 hours a week whilst at University or teaching dance for 3 hours a week whilst temping in an office for the rest of the week making endless cups of coffee.  

When I eventually grew up and trained for a career in Accountancy I found my forte.  I love it.   I absolutely love it.

Having children put a back burner on my career aspirations.  I had chosen to start a family so that became my priority.  I stopped pushing for promotion and settled into working well within my comfort zone for just 18 hours a week.   Whilst the girls were little this worked perfectly.  I wasn't stressing myself out trying to work up to the next level.  My work / life balance was pretty good.

However.... I started to get a little bored at work.  Add to that the upheaval in the NHS over the last 18 months and the very real possibility that my job would move 50 miles down the road, and I found myself looking for a new job slightly earlier than I'd anticipated.  Our younger daughter is one of the oldest in her year being a September baby and as such she missed out on starting school this September by only 2 weeks.  I have another 11 months of pre-school childcare to go.

But I spotted a perfect job.  It's local, it's a career step-up and it's still with the NHS doing the work I love.  I went for it.  What else could I do?

And now I've been offered a full time job.

I wanted the job. I applied. I was offered the job. I accepted. And I now feel guilty.

I shouldn't. My elder daughter (in year 2) is thrilled at the possibility of going to after-school club one day a week with her mates. I'll still drop them off and pick them up at least 20% of the time.  Their dad and their grandparents will do the drop offs and pick ups on the other days meaning that my husband will be getting more quality time with them than he gets now and they'll see their grandparents regularly, all of which is not a bad thing.  I'll be home before 5.30pm most of the time.  But it's the younger I feel more guilty about. She doesn't start school for another 9 months and I somehow feel it should be me, not dad or grandparents, that spends as much time with her as possible before then.  As I write that it looks ridiculous.  Parenting is a team effort and as long as she's loved by us both, how many pickups and dropoffs we each do won't make a bit of difference to her. 

If I think about it logically, our elder daughter, one of the youngest in her year, starting school when she was 4 years and 3 months.  By the time I start work at my new job I will have equally had 4 years and 3 months with the younger.  It couldn't get more equal. 

I just need to sort out the practicalities of childcare and recognise that I'm choosing to work 5 days a week, but that I still love her and will be picking her up early as often as I possibly can, even if it means working into the evening once she's asleep.  More often than not I'll work 8am til 4pm meaning I'm home in plenty of time for homework and reading books!

I love my work.  I love the challenge.  I love the excitement of year-end.  It's what makes me, me. 

So should I feel guilty?  Or can I just let it go and enjoy my success without the guilt? 

I appreciate that this is an emotive subject for many.  Please feel free to share your thoughts on the subject by commenting below or by connecting with me on facebook or twitter @ymummyreally.  Please respect other's views and be polite.  What works for one may not work for all.  Thank you.