How do we motivate ourselves when we are not appreciated?

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

There are plenty of management books, courses, tools and research into motivation.  What motivates a person to work well?  From Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs (see left), to Frederick Herzberg's Motivational Theory,  we talk about rewards, monetary or otherwise, and their impact on motivation. 

It's well known that when an employee feels that they are not appreciated, their work quality suffers.

But as a parent, where's the reward?  It's not as tangible as a payslip, or bonus.  It doesn't take the form of monthly one-to-one sessions where you receive feedback on your performance; nor annual performance appraisals.  It doesn't come as a regular thank you.

In fact, taking you for granted is actually a key role for your children.  They need to feel that they can rely on you, always, without question. 

And, of course, you are not always their friend.  As their parent you are responsible for looking out for them, feeding them, clothing them, educating them.  You are also responsible for teaching them right from wrong, morals and ethics, how to be intrinsically good.  These lessons are not always welcomed.  They often take the form of stopping your child doing fun things, like eating mountains of sweets, or climbing up the dresser or staying up all night. 

Treat time

So; although you know, in your heart, that they love you.  They often don't treat you that well.

And so it came to pass, that after a day being dropped off at Grandma's before school, and being picked up from school by Grandma to play for a bit, my daughter did not react favourably to my arrival at 4.30pm to take her home.

I walked in the door.  She took one look at me.

Hurrumphed. (If that is indeed a word).

Stomped her foot and exclaimed "I don't want to go home".

And so here I am; immediately the 'bad cop'.  No welcome.  No hello from her. Certainly no kiss.

It got worse.

As we arrived home she said;

"I want Grandma to be my mummy.  You and Daddy can go and live at Grandma's house and she can live here".

A knife through my heart.

And I know what you'll say.  She was tired out.  Grandma let's her do things I don't.  Grandma can play without having to get the chores done, as she saves those until the girls come back home.  Grandma is able to be more fun.

And I know she loves me. But boy, oh boy, I considered, for just one second, handing in my notice at work just so she didn't have to go to Grandmas and maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't fee so guilty.  After all, I feel guilty enough most of the time; the press don't help with these kind of suggestions.

She gave me feedback; and thus my motivation is low.  No mothering bonus for me this year. 

What kind of feedback do your children give you?  Is it positive? Negative? A mixture? 

How do you get motivated?  

Click Comments below and let me know what you think.