Hitting 50 - my experience and indigence!

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This year I hit 50.  No, I haven't done everything on my mental bucket list.  No, I didn't suddenly put on a couple of stone; I'd already been working at that through my 40s!  No, I don't feel old.  Yes, I still think the 1980s were 20 years ago.

What I do feel, is indignant.  

Indignant that I suddenly got to 50, and the world is insisting on telling me I'm now on the downward slope.  My body is supposedly going to start falling apart, my brain failing.  I'll have less energy.  I'll need to exercise more just to keep my weight stable because my metabolism is going to have a strop.  Just when I feel more like a woman again, now that the kids are officially adults, my body is going to make feeling sexy much more difficult, with gravity affecting skin, boobs, you name it....

How to sell your parenting skills in the work place

Parenting versus Managing

There isn't a day goes by that I don't use skills at work that I learnt through being a parent.

Whether I am being encouraging; or expressing my disappointment at someone who should know better; managing conflict and assisting with calm authority, denying gossip; managing good and bad performance; managing relationships (and ensuring the team don't kill each other); teaching office manners, where it's OK to smoke - but "I really wouldn't because xyz", that "please", "thank you" and "you're welcome" are not optional extras, and finally, teaching that punctuality is a key measure by which you'll be judged.

Over and over again I find myself having the same conversations in work as I've had at home talking to my girls as they grew up.

And actually, teaching and training and managing the 6 and 8 year old is often much easier than doing the same with a bunch of adults who all think they know better. Some of which have never been taught how to spell. Some never got into the habit of saying 'thank you'. Some are learning new things and getting frustrated by the slowness of their learning. Many (oh goodness FAR too many) gossip and argue in the same way you'd expect on a playground.

 

Sell your parenting skills to interviewers

So if you are trying to get back into the workplace after having children you can absolutely sell your newly learnt skills in parenting as management skills.

#Spooktacular Warwick Castle is The Haunted Castle!

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We were lucky enough to get the chance to visit Warwick Castle this weekend.  I've always been interested in the site; anyone interested in the Kingmaker and the War of the Roses will visit just for the history.  But this Halloween Warwick Castle becomes The Haunted Castle with new attractions designed to scare and thrill right up until 9pm.  So we were interested to see if there's something for everyone this half-term.  There was!  It's a great day out anyway, but this half term in particular there are some new attractions and Halloween themed thrills!

We arrived at 10am opening time, as we like to maximise our day trips.  Our girls are now 8 and 10 years old.  Their favourite parts of the day were, and I quote; "The Flight of the Eagles show because the birds were HUGE", "The Horrible Histories Maze because you win a prize" and our 10 year old really liked starting the day with the Grand Tour, because "although you didn't go inside the castle, it was good to learn about the history of the castle itself and how and why certain bits were built".

Amazing! The new magazine for 7+ readers that teaches the curriculum in a Horrible Histories style! Plus Give-away!

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 Kids love disgusting! 

"Uuuurrrrrrggghhhhh!!! That's DISGUSTING!" were the first words from Princess Peppa, my 9 year old. (I may need to rethink her blog pseudonym now she's waaay past loving Peppa Pig). "That's COOL!" was the response from Little Miss George, the 7 year old. 

They couldn't be more different, but they both laughed, giggled, and uurrrggghhhed their way through our sample copies of Amazing! Magazine. From how to make your own edible bogie's; Yes; Really. To a guide to Shakespeare's Julius Caesar; (it's not limiting itself this one); the magazine takes a fresh look at information we want our children to learn and presents it in a fun, clever, humorous and yes, quite frankly often disgusting, way. 

It's designed to link to the primary curriculum. Want to know if you'd survive as a Roman gladiator? Find out in the Ancient Romans edition. Want to learn where and when the first false teeth are made? Check out the Human Body edition.

Time flies and the children grow so!

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How did they grow up so fast?!

Are you feeling like this at the moment?  Like it's only a few precious moments ago that you had all these plans and ideas about how their childhood would be, and suddenly they are asking for their own phone and applying to secondary school and couldn't give a toss about the cookie baking idea you had.

What happened?

Yesterday my daughter was listening to my iPod on random shuffle and came across a song she called "Sister Add It".  It turns out it was Five Star's classic "System Addict".  When I mentioned it to my husband and had the nerve to say I'm showing her some great retro tunes he replied, "Five Star isn't retro; it's ancient!"

Oh good grief!

It's less that the children have grown up.  It's more that I seem to have missed the passing of the years and am suddenly a decade older.

I turned 41 this year.  I feel 21 still.  I'm definitely aiming to increase my flexibility this year in dance class and get down into those 'splits'.  So I'll be lying to my body from now on.  I'll be insisting that it responds exactly as it did at 21, whether it likes it or not.

I'm sure my knees will be delighted with the news!

What lies do you tell yourself in an effort to feel younger?

Feeling like you are not a good mum?

I feel this numerous times everyday. I honestly think that if you permanently think you are a fabulous mum you are probably suffering from delusions.

Part of being a good parent is recognising your weaknesses and knowing what you are doing well and what needs improvement. We are not all perfect. Knowing this makes us one step closer to attaining success.

It will be different in other parts of the world, but in the UK we live in a culture where women are told in school that girls are more intelligent than boys. The exam statistics prove it. We are told we can do anything, be leaders, lawyers, doctors or pop stars - it's all available to us. We are also shown celebrity mothers, usually those in the film, TV or Modelling industry, in top designer wear, with perfect haircuts, running their children to school in 4x4s, playing out at the park in their designer jeans, and somehow maintaining a career without their mascara running. We think that this is what we must strive for. Everything. Woman have fought long and hard for us to have equal opportunity to men. We shouldn't waste the opportunity.

It's all an awful lot of pressure to have everything and do everything and to do it all brilliantly with fabulous skin and perfect nails.

New Year's Eve party? Don't be daft; I'm a parent.

This year we didn't even pretend to go through the motions of staying up to see in the new year. We didn't watch any New Year's Eve specific TV. We didn't countdown. The girls, now 7 and 5, went to bed at 7.30pm. We wandered up to bed at around 11.30, only late because we had been independently pottering around on the Internet doing various jobs, reading up on news, shopping for hotel rooms and 2014 mini breaks.

When I was just dropping off to sleep, I heard the start of the fireworks and my only thought was, "so it's midnight then".

When I was in my teens and early twenties, New Year's Eve was a big deal. A HUGE deal. It was a special night when you got to dress up in your absolute best gear, dance the night away, drink slightly too much, and still end up in a beautifully romantic pose, at midnight, kissing the man of your dreams.

Of course that view was entirely the product of watching Sleepless in Seattle and similar films and has never ever, in my experience, translated to real life.

Truth be told, I can count the number of New Years Eve 'parties' that I have been invited to in my entire life on one hand. Not one of them was in a posh hotel in New York. Not one of them was in a posh hotel...

Original Sprout Miracle De-tangler

This week we are testing Original Sprout's Miracle Detangler. I read another blog post on the product and highlighted it in my monthly Britmums Beauty Round-Up. I was then lucky enough to be offered a bottle to test out on my daughter's completely unruly hair.

 

The quote, from my daughter, on first use on dry hair, when asked by my hubby what she thought half way through the usual hair brushing process, was;

 

"Normally I say ow, ow, ow, but this time I haven't said a single ow yet".

 

Praise indeed. Having received that rave review from a 7 year old, need I go on?

 

Well yes, I ought to really.....

How to make time for your partner

 

Remember those days when you had all the time in the world to go to the cinema, have a leisurely romantic meal with your partner, stay out all night if you felt like it....?

Having trouble finding time for eating, never mind making time for your partner, now that you've become a parent?

I am over on Wriggly rascals today talking about making time for your partner. It's a tricky issue, and one that new parents have to address to ensure relationships survive the huge cultural and emotional change that children bring to the table.

If you have any tips please join me in answering a few short questions on the wriggly rascals survey to help another mum improve her relationship post-baby.

My post, Making time for your partner, is here, and if you need further tips on rekindling the lurrve try this popular post How to rekindle your relationship after having a child, here.

 

 

Forgotten how to have fun? How to get your comedy mojo back

I distinctly remember at age 17 telling my parents that I wasn't going to get all boring when I got older. I didn't see why you should stop being silly and having fun just because you were grown up. For me this meant I absolutely planned to own a house with a fireman's pole and a helter-skelter style spiral slide from bedroom to kitchen.

Funnily enough I don't have either in my house now, and I am fast approaching 40.

I watch my 7 and 5 year old daughters running around pretending to be Batman and the Joker, giggling their heads off, and I try and remember the last time I giggled like that. The high pitched hysterical giggle that makes others smile to just hear.

I can't remember.

When the girls were babies I considered myself pretty good at playing the fool enough to get them to laugh. Now it feels like hard work. We are having a tough year as a family, but nothing I should moan about.

So to get my comedy mojo back I am planning on working on my laughter muscles. I have a plan of action. Read on to find out how....

The post-TV grump

Every time we turn off the TV my daughter, Princess Peppa, will, within one hour, have a major strop, be at best really grumpy and snappy with the family, at worst be an absolute devil-child.

I have noticed this phenomenon develop in her over the last couple of years and get swiftly worse in the last few months as the type of TV she watches has evolved. She is now 7 years old and has recently graduated from CBeebies to CBBC.

At the same time we have started watching more action cartoons in preference to the former Peppa Pig, Dora the Explorer, Disney Princess films or Barbie.

Since Little Miss George is such a Tomboy in her attempt to be individual from her girlie big sister, we now watch Ben10, Scooby Doo, Spider-Man, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Marvel Avengers. I must admit to being proud they are breaking away from the stereotypical 'girl' TV, however it's not without its disadvantages.

Apparently, when a child gets to an age where their concentration span is strong enough to really focus on a half-hour programme and really get into it, they find it difficult, after the programme, to go back to normal social niceties. Jo Frost, in her original book Supernanny, says of television; "what they are getting is mindless stimulation that will wind them up and shorten their attention spans."

Teaching children the value of money

Our children are spoilt. There is no getting away from it. It doesn't matter how many times we try and remind them how lucky they are, they are still spoilt.

I worry about the value, or lack of value, they place on things.

I also worry about how it's possible to teach them the value of money and the relative size of different numbers, when actual physical real money hardly exists any more.

Virtual money vs actual money

My daughters have a shop set up in the playroom. (It's huge, and I blame my mother.) They also have a till. On numerous occasions we have started playing shops only to get to the payment point when, after happily asking me to enter my plastic play credit card into the machine, and happily asking me to put my code in, they confusingly try and give me, the customer, some cash. I think they get confused having witnessed the phenomena that is "cash back".

So how do you explain that usually it's up to the customer to pay the shop? And even more confusingly, how do you explain that the card machine actually mysteriously transfers mummy's money to the shop?

Original Sprout: Shampoo and Conditioner review

Original Sprout's Tahitian Family Collection

The problem with trying out new shampoos is that, if you get it wrong, you look like a scarecrow. Not so with Original Sprout. My hair has never been as glossy nor as healthy looking.

I had been using the John Frieda range for coloured hair. Perfectly suitable, but my hair always felt a little fly-away, and it was difficult to style. Certainly it was difficult to run a brush through it, even after using the John Frieda conditioner.

So it was with great delight that, after two days of trialling the Original Sprout range, my hairbrush glided smoothly through my hair and it felt light, soft and controllable. I kid you not when I say this was an entirely new experience for me!

 

About Original Sprout

Inge Tritt founded the company after struggling to find suitable hair and skin products for her baby's bath time.

"Our founder delighted in her newborn daughter's thick hair. Wanting to use the safest bath products led to her trying natural baby shampoos. To her surprise, all the shampoos wreaked havoc to her daughter's hair and sensitive skin. To remedy the problem Inga created the first of it's kind, ultra moisturizing natural baby bath & styling products. The benefits of being a master stylist with professional experience & a mother with real life experience culminated into Original Sprout, a globally trusted natural family brand."

I'm sorry kids, but no; I don't want to play

Yes, that's me.... playing on the beach

Mummy; will you come and play?

I really really hope it isn't just me that gets a little tired of the mantra coming from my two girls far too many (in my opinion) times a day: "Mummy; will you come and play?".

I have always been conscious that I am a parent. Even when the girls were really little and I was playing "Incy Wincy Spider" up their arms, I knew that I wasn't there to just be their playmate.

I am very aware of the burden of responsibility I have as a parent to teach them how to grow up to be kind, considerate, polite, intelligent, knowledgeable, courteous, civil members of society. I know that I can't do that AND be their best mate at the same time.

Or; let me elaborate further; I know I can't always be their best friend. A lot of the time I will have to pull rank to be successful as a parent and I know that my words won't hold as much weight if I spend a lot of my time trying to also be their best bud.

Juggling all those parenting balls? Join the rest of us jugglers at the Britmums Juggling Carnival!

I have a BRILLIANT collection of blog posts to delight your senses.  These are stories from real women about the real challenges we have juggling our roles as (in no particular order) mother, daughter, wife, employee, boss, sister, friend, entertainer, pot-washer, hairdresser, clothes washer, seamstress, baker, spider catcher, dancer, writer, accountant, author, reader, cook, card fairy (magically sending cards to members of the family you've only ever met once, but who you absolutely must send cards at appropriate points in the year), tweeter, sympathetic-ear, first aider, toy mender, story teller, dietitian, referee, taxi driver......... and that's just me!

Grab a Sangria.  Throw on your dancing shoes.  Join us for the Britmums "Juggling" Carnival.  A party for us to share how we keep those balls; clubs; knifes; flaming torches even; in the air, and maybe get a slice of 'me' time in the midst of all that juggling!

Nightmares: How to deal with them when they start in young children

So, yesterday we talked about the potential causes of nightmares in children.   In my case this was a combination of poor judgement around approved film watching, and Little Miss George (4)  getting too used to having her big sister, Princess Peppa (6), sleeping over in her room whilst the roof was being fixed.

But once they start, is there anything you can do?

Little Miss George quickly developed a fear of the dark and wouldn't even go into our hall to go to the toilet on her own.  She'd wake up three or four times a night and cry out for us, only settling to sleep if we sat next to her bed holding her hand, got into bed with her, or, when it was close to morning, allowed her to get in our bed with us, something we have rarely done.

The Tooth Fairy: where does she live?

Both of my girls absolutely still believe in fairies.  How can they possibly not when the Tooth Fairy leaves the most gorgeous letter when she collects a tooth?

How can they not, when Tinkerbell tells us that every time someone says they don't believe in fairies, a fairy dies.

How can they not, when my hubby and I also believe in the magic.

The Tooth Fairy is doing a marvellous job.  The wonder and astonishment in my daughters eyes when she came running into our bedroom shouting "MUMMY, DADDY, LOOK!!!" will live with me forever. 

It's one of those moments you never want to forget.  

It's one of those moments that makes parenting so worth while.

Now I'm planning to make fairy houses at the bottom of the garden as soon as the weather finally turns.  After all, the fairies will appreciate any help they can get, since they are so busy collecting all the teeth.

I might even think about making a special bag for them to carry the teeth and those incredible heavy £1 coins in.  I'm sure the girls will enjoy that activity one afternoon.

What are your special moments of parenthood that you never want to forget?

Parenting advice: Do as I say, not as I do

I have lost count of the number of times I have seen a parent (sometimes me) shouting at the top of their voices at their children; "WILL YOU STOP SHOUTING AND BE QUIET!"

I understand the compulsion as I've have been there.  But it's interesting how often you see it happen: a parent asking their child to do something that they are not doing themselves. 

I've now worked out the solution for us in the case of shouting.  When our two girls are screaming at each other, sometimes in anger, sometimes just because they want to be heard over each other, I pause (to take a breathe and ensure to be calm) and make sure I walk right into the fray, crouch down to their level, gesture for them to look at me and I, ever so quietly, tell them that there is no need to shout at each other or me, as we are not a million miles away.

It's surprising how effective speaking quietly is.  The sudden change in volume, coupled with their need to go quiet in order to hear my words, has a drastic impact on the decibel level in the room.

Besides; I shouldn't expect them to be quiet if I am allowed to shout.  In the same way you can't teach children to be honest if you regularly lie, or to be reliable if you are constantly late. 

Are there any things you do, but that you try and teach your children not to do?  My vice is chocolate.  I try and teach them to eat healthily but regularly find myself sneaking a biscuit on the sly so that they don't want one too.  How bad is that!?

Click on 'Comments' below to let me know your parenting "do as I says", or track me down on Twitter or Facebook .

Starting School: Everything you need to know

So your little bundle of joy is starting school in September.

"I'm not ready!" I hear you all cry.  He/she is only a BABY!  He/she can't possibly be old enough for school, surely!

But the time travels so fast and they are, indeed, growing up.  So to ease the transition I've pulled together some of the best blog posts and articles on the web at the moment on 'starting school'.  What skills they need to practise in advance, what you can do to ease your own pain as a parent, help for parents with children with allergies, what extra things expats may need to consider and a whole lot of resources to help you out.  I hope it's useful!

Preparation

 

What preparation can I do with my child before starting school?

 

Five Key Skills: Over at Mindful Mum, Lorna Clark, parenting consultant and maternity nurse, explains five important skills that will help make your child's transition to school that little bit easier.

Putting on coats and shoes:  It's really helpful for a child to learn this skill before school.  With one teacher to up to  thirty children, it's difficult for the teacher to help everyone get coats and shoes on.  Check out these top tips for helping your child learn this important skill at The Nurture Store

Photo by Flickr djwudi

Potty Training?  Karen is flabbergasted that potty training before school seems to be so difficult for some parents.  Or does it become an issue when they are engrossed in the new tasks at school and forget to ask to go?

What do you think?

Have you toilet trained your little one in preparation for their new school life? 

K is for Kit: Over at PinkOddy's Blog, preparation for school includes talking about the different letters of the alphabet.  In this post; K is for Kit.

It's a great idea to incorporate some activities like this through the summer period.

Reading Tips: Over at Life, Ninja Killer Cat and everything else, Claire provides some great tips for starting to read with your pre-schooler.  It's good to get them familiar with books and reading as early as possible.  After all, to learn about other things you first need to be able to read!

Get Crafty: Maggie, at Red Ted Art, has pulled together a collection of the best back to school crafts to get you in the mood for the start of school.

If the idea of a yummy Schultuete doesn't get them running through the front gates, maybe the gorgeous notebooks and decorated pencils will?  At the very least, the last week of the summer holidays are sorted!

 What about me? 

 

 How will I cope? What are other mums feeling?

 

Sentimental? Wondering what she'll fill her time with, and whether Little Miss will settle in OK, Mum on the Brink is a mum feeling sentimental about the next stage in her young girls life.

This post is sure to strike a chord with mums everywhere.

Struggling with logistics? Lady Briggs ponders how her daily schedule will change when K starts school in a few weeks.  Nursery's often cater very well for working parents, but with the move to school, and a 3.30pm finish she's got some logistics to work out.  Find out how the preparation is going with this follow-up post too.

Proud? Kel, at Writing, Rambling and Reviews, is really proud of her growing boy.  Legs is really looking forward to attending his new school in September. 

 

Making the most of time at home: Pippa, over at A Mother's Ramblings, has collated a list of the things she wants to do with her Big Boy before he starts school in a year.  It's a long list!  Are there things you want to do before the new term comes around?   

 

 

 

 

What if my child has allergies?

 

Over at Allergy UK this comprehensive post provides information on how to establish a management plan, what questions to ask and how to prepare for school when your child suffers from allergies. 

For those with food allergies I particularly like the idea of sending a 'special treat' tin to school so that your child doesn't miss out on a treat when other children bring in birthday buns or treats to hand out.  This is just one of many useful tips on this site.

What about schools outside the UK?

 

In the Netherlands they hang up their school bags with their national flags in June, have a unique way of keeping the school clean and accept new intakes every week!

Find out more about Funky Monkey's start at her new Dutch school in this vibrant and enlightening post over at Tales from Windmill Fields.   

In Australia it's different again, with the school year starting in January (I suppose it is their summer!).  Trevor Cairney, leader of the New College at the University of New South Wales (Sydney) talks us through the varied starting age across Australia in his Literacy blog and how this compares to other countries.  This post is an insightful and comprehensive discussion as to the best starting school age for children, including what to consider if thinking about holding your child back for a year.

Resources 

Reading, phonics and books!

 

 

Welcome packs: If you want to get a head start, you might want to invest in some resources to help support your child's learning.  Twinkl Resources provide educational materials for schools, but there's nothing to stop you being 'teacher'!

Their Key Stage 1 Welcome Pack is a great place to start.

Phonics Tests: If you've heard rumours about a worrying new test that your child will have to take in Year 1, don't fret.  My post, here, outlines my views on the new Phonics Screening Tests, and rest assured, my summary is that you shouldn't be at all concerned with this test.  It's a test of the teacher's method, not the child's ability.

 

 

 

 

Books: Starting School

For books that serve a double purpose; firstly getting the process of reading underway and secondly, reading about starting school!  This is my special collection of books to get you and your child, in the mood!

Next steps

If you found this post useful, please help share it with other mums just like you, who may also find this guidance useful as their child takes a first step into the education system.

I'd appreciate it if you'd share this post with your friends, using the sharing buttons below.

If you notice any glaring omissions in this post, then please contact me!  I want to ensure this is a useful and accurate article.  Or feel free to add any of your own tips in the 'comments' box below.  Commenting is welcome.

Good luck to all those children starting school in 4 short weeks.  Have fun!

Unless otherwise stated, all the pictures used in this post are from the contributing articles and are used with the permission of the websites referred to.

How do we motivate ourselves when we are not appreciated?

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

There are plenty of management books, courses, tools and research into motivation.  What motivates a person to work well?  From Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs (see left), to Frederick Herzberg's Motivational Theory,  we talk about rewards, monetary or otherwise, and their impact on motivation. 

It's well known that when an employee feels that they are not appreciated, their work quality suffers.

But as a parent, where's the reward?  It's not as tangible as a payslip, or bonus.  It doesn't take the form of monthly one-to-one sessions where you receive feedback on your performance; nor annual performance appraisals.  It doesn't come as a regular thank you.

In fact, taking you for granted is actually a key role for your children.  They need to feel that they can rely on you, always, without question. 

And, of course, you are not always their friend.  As their parent you are responsible for looking out for them, feeding them, clothing them, educating them.  You are also responsible for teaching them right from wrong, morals and ethics, how to be intrinsically good.  These lessons are not always welcomed.  They often take the form of stopping your child doing fun things, like eating mountains of sweets, or climbing up the dresser or staying up all night. 

Treat time

So; although you know, in your heart, that they love you.  They often don't treat you that well.

And so it came to pass, that after a day being dropped off at Grandma's before school, and being picked up from school by Grandma to play for a bit, my daughter did not react favourably to my arrival at 4.30pm to take her home.

I walked in the door.  She took one look at me.

Hurrumphed. (If that is indeed a word).

Stomped her foot and exclaimed "I don't want to go home".

And so here I am; immediately the 'bad cop'.  No welcome.  No hello from her. Certainly no kiss.

It got worse.

As we arrived home she said;

"I want Grandma to be my mummy.  You and Daddy can go and live at Grandma's house and she can live here".

A knife through my heart.

And I know what you'll say.  She was tired out.  Grandma let's her do things I don't.  Grandma can play without having to get the chores done, as she saves those until the girls come back home.  Grandma is able to be more fun.

And I know she loves me. But boy, oh boy, I considered, for just one second, handing in my notice at work just so she didn't have to go to Grandmas and maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't fee so guilty.  After all, I feel guilty enough most of the time; the press don't help with these kind of suggestions.

She gave me feedback; and thus my motivation is low.  No mothering bonus for me this year. 

What kind of feedback do your children give you?  Is it positive? Negative? A mixture? 

How do you get motivated?  

Click Comments below and let me know what you think.