How to make time for your partner

 

Remember those days when you had all the time in the world to go to the cinema, have a leisurely romantic meal with your partner, stay out all night if you felt like it....?

Having trouble finding time for eating, never mind making time for your partner, now that you've become a parent?

I am over on Wriggly rascals today talking about making time for your partner. It's a tricky issue, and one that new parents have to address to ensure relationships survive the huge cultural and emotional change that children bring to the table.

If you have any tips please join me in answering a few short questions on the wriggly rascals survey to help another mum improve her relationship post-baby.

My post, Making time for your partner, is here, and if you need further tips on rekindling the lurrve try this popular post How to rekindle your relationship after having a child, here.

 

 

Forgotten how to have fun? How to get your comedy mojo back

I distinctly remember at age 17 telling my parents that I wasn't going to get all boring when I got older. I didn't see why you should stop being silly and having fun just because you were grown up. For me this meant I absolutely planned to own a house with a fireman's pole and a helter-skelter style spiral slide from bedroom to kitchen.

Funnily enough I don't have either in my house now, and I am fast approaching 40.

I watch my 7 and 5 year old daughters running around pretending to be Batman and the Joker, giggling their heads off, and I try and remember the last time I giggled like that. The high pitched hysterical giggle that makes others smile to just hear.

I can't remember.

When the girls were babies I considered myself pretty good at playing the fool enough to get them to laugh. Now it feels like hard work. We are having a tough year as a family, but nothing I should moan about.

So to get my comedy mojo back I am planning on working on my laughter muscles. I have a plan of action. Read on to find out how....

Wriggly Rascals: A new collaboration

I am delighted to be involved with website wrigglyrascals.com. An excellent on-line community website designed to enable mothers to ask for help on any topic and receive personal advice via a survey of the sites other users. It's simple and easy to use; so if you've got a question and can't find the answer on my lovely site here, then pop over to wrigglyrascals and ask other mums.

Sign up here.

And read my guest post on how to be a yummy mummy at wrigglyrascals.com here.

 

How to rekindle your relationship after having a child.

Photo courtesy of Kozzi.com

Having children effects the relationship you have with your partner.  It doesn't matter how much you convince yourself that your life will be just the same only with a child in it, you quickly realise that nothing could be further from the truth.

Having children adds various challenges to your relationship, but fear not; the solutions just need a little bit of effort.  Below I outline some of the main reasons that couple feel they are drifting apart after the birth of a first child, and my suggestions as to how to face these challenges.

1.  We are both always exhausted.

There's no way to sugarcoat this; and thinking that it's the same kind of tiredness you get from pulling the odd all-nighter, either in the pub, or to complete some college assignment, is naive at best.  You will have never known tiredness quite like it.

The solution? Accept the tiredness as inevitable and snuggle up to fall asleep in front of the television together.  You may not feel like getting frisky, but make the effort to cuddle up and stay connected.

2.  We don't talk about anything but the children.

And why is that a problem?  Well, it's not in itself a problem at all.  Having a child is a major event in both your lives and you should be talking about it. 

So what's my advice?  Every so often ask your partner about them; their views on current news, what they thought of a new television show you've both seen lately, where they'd like to go on holiday next year... It sounds a little like the patter your hair stylist might use, and that's exactly what it should sound like because it's YOU remembering to take an interest in THEM as well as the new child.

It's amazing what a difference it makes to your day when someone takes a genuine interest in your thoughts and feelings for even just a short period of time.  Give this gift of attention to each other. 

3.  We are changing.  We aren't the same people anymore.

Of course you aren't.  You grew up and became parents.  It's the natural order of things.  But it doesn't mean you are not the same people that fell in love.  What it does mean is that you are both learning new skills and that you will both find different ways to cope with the new responsibility.

What can you do?  Give each other chance to grow, and try and give each other a regular opportunity to get out alone to be the person you were before you became a parent.   Whether it's to go to the hair salon, the golf course, a painting class or judo; whatever it is that enables you to maintain your own sense of self. 

Often those who work full-time before and immediately after having a child need this less, as they have the consistency of their job, that doesn't change, and maintain their sense of their 'work self' separately to that of their 'new parent' self.  But if you used to work and stop to have children you can feel like you start to lose your own identity.  Recognise this in yourself or your partner and give the space to the individual that needs it.

4.  We don't get any couple time.

What with the new baby demanding attention 24 hours a day, and you both attempting to give each other alone time, how do you get 'couple' time?

This one is a must: Create it.  I mean it.  There's no excuse for this one.  If you don't have the luxury of babysitting grandparents, then ensure you get a bedtime routine for your little one established as soon as is practical and turn one evening a week into an "at home date night". 

And let's be really clear here; I'm not referring to item 1. above here, you can fall asleep watching television together the other 6 nights.  No, I mean turn the television off, cook a nice meal (or order in) and do something together, be it playing scrabble or cards, listening to music, or the obvious vertical boogie.  Make the time and effort. 

5.  I/We just don't feel like sex.

OK, so you are worn out and just don't feel like it.  What if your other half does initiate sex?  In my humble experience it's always worth going with it.  You may not feel particularly passionate to start with and we all know that women (generally speaking) take a little longer to warm up, but give your partner chance to see if maybe the warming up can be done.

What have you got to loose?  You might just get a lovely orgasm and feel 10 times better.

It, of course, may be that neither of you are initiating sex.  You may both be too tired, overwhelmed, or, let's face it, scared.

Get over yourselves and on every "date night" rediscover each-other.  If it means taking it slow and kissing for hours, so what? 

6.  But we've stopped talking to each other!

All the tiredness and fear and the notion of being overwhelmed can result in two people both feeling similar emotions but not realising, thinking their other half is coping 'so much better' and being scared to share their thoughts and fears. 

Talk to each other!!  For goodness sake!  You are not 11 years old now, you are parents for goodness sake.  Talk, debate, disagree, discuss, share and argue if you must.  Then either discover that you are both feeling the same and have a good laugh at yourselves, or agree to disagree and to support each other where you both need it. 

7.  She / He takes me for granted

This happens so easily that it is scary.  On the one hand it's lovely that we get so comfortable in our relationships that we start to trust the other person to always be there, to always support us, to always make the dinner, do the dishes, put the bins out, buy us presents, send us cute little texts.... the list goes on and on and on....

It's also ridiculously easy to avoid this one.  Remember those words your parents always drilled into you, but which we often seem to forget in adult life?  Go on... think hard...  Two phrases.... Please, and thank you.

Please and thank you will take you a long way.  It can take effort to start reusing these little gems if they've managed to slip out of your vocabulary, but it's well worth it.  People like being thanked, it's a very basic acknowledgement that they've done something to make our lives easier. 

Another really easy thing to do to ensure you don't take each other for granted.  Keep doing those things you used to.  Those little texts.... buying little gifts.... leave post-it's for each other.   I guess I'm just saying "think about your partner and treat them".  Easy, eh?

All this advice sounds like too much hard work

Really?  Too much hard work to make the effort to build and grow your developing relationship and be the best parents you can be?  It's your relationship.  If it was a relationship strong enough to result in you deciding to become parents together, then surely it's worth the effort of staying parents together?

***

I really hope this article provides some helpful tips on how to reconnect with your partner after having a child.  It's tough; I wouldn't ever suggest otherwise; but the best and most brilliant things in this world can only be built with hard work and dedication.  

If you need any other tips on pregnancy, parenting, coping with being a new parent, coping with a demanding toddler and keeping your sense of self and yumminess in the process, feel free to browse the site and follow using your preferred method be it facebook, twitter, bloglovin, RSS or google+.  Thank you for stopping by.


Good luck and happy parenting.

Parenting advice: Do as I say, not as I do

I have lost count of the number of times I have seen a parent (sometimes me) shouting at the top of their voices at their children; "WILL YOU STOP SHOUTING AND BE QUIET!"

I understand the compulsion as I've have been there.  But it's interesting how often you see it happen: a parent asking their child to do something that they are not doing themselves. 

I've now worked out the solution for us in the case of shouting.  When our two girls are screaming at each other, sometimes in anger, sometimes just because they want to be heard over each other, I pause (to take a breathe and ensure to be calm) and make sure I walk right into the fray, crouch down to their level, gesture for them to look at me and I, ever so quietly, tell them that there is no need to shout at each other or me, as we are not a million miles away.

It's surprising how effective speaking quietly is.  The sudden change in volume, coupled with their need to go quiet in order to hear my words, has a drastic impact on the decibel level in the room.

Besides; I shouldn't expect them to be quiet if I am allowed to shout.  In the same way you can't teach children to be honest if you regularly lie, or to be reliable if you are constantly late. 

Are there any things you do, but that you try and teach your children not to do?  My vice is chocolate.  I try and teach them to eat healthily but regularly find myself sneaking a biscuit on the sly so that they don't want one too.  How bad is that!?

Click on 'Comments' below to let me know your parenting "do as I says", or track me down on Twitter or Facebook .

Are you a Yummy Mummy?

I'm delighted to be over at Wriggly Rascals today, talking, as ever, about what we mean by a yummy mummy.

Struggling to find time for yourself?  Wondering how to fit in the manicures now you've got a baby on the way? Wondering if you even need to bother?

Pop on over to my post now and see what I have to say .about staying yummy.

Mum of two, Alison, is struggling with this very subject.  Click here if you have some yummy advice that would help another mum. 

Or feel free to share your yummy advice with me @ymummyreally and the Wriggly Rascals team on twitter.


About Wriggly Rascals

Wriggly Rascals was set up by Shona Motherwell, a frustrated mum of twins Mhairi and Archie, to get mums together to share pregnancy, baby and toddler advice via quick surveys to get the facts about what other mums do.  Our mums pass on loads of great tips to mums who have asked for help.  I f you would like some advice, get in touch at www.wrigglyrascals.com

Starting School: Everything you need to know

So your little bundle of joy is starting school in September.

"I'm not ready!" I hear you all cry.  He/she is only a BABY!  He/she can't possibly be old enough for school, surely!

But the time travels so fast and they are, indeed, growing up.  So to ease the transition I've pulled together some of the best blog posts and articles on the web at the moment on 'starting school'.  What skills they need to practise in advance, what you can do to ease your own pain as a parent, help for parents with children with allergies, what extra things expats may need to consider and a whole lot of resources to help you out.  I hope it's useful!

Preparation

 

What preparation can I do with my child before starting school?

 

Five Key Skills: Over at Mindful Mum, Lorna Clark, parenting consultant and maternity nurse, explains five important skills that will help make your child's transition to school that little bit easier.

Putting on coats and shoes:  It's really helpful for a child to learn this skill before school.  With one teacher to up to  thirty children, it's difficult for the teacher to help everyone get coats and shoes on.  Check out these top tips for helping your child learn this important skill at The Nurture Store

Photo by Flickr djwudi

Potty Training?  Karen is flabbergasted that potty training before school seems to be so difficult for some parents.  Or does it become an issue when they are engrossed in the new tasks at school and forget to ask to go?

What do you think?

Have you toilet trained your little one in preparation for their new school life? 

K is for Kit: Over at PinkOddy's Blog, preparation for school includes talking about the different letters of the alphabet.  In this post; K is for Kit.

It's a great idea to incorporate some activities like this through the summer period.

Reading Tips: Over at Life, Ninja Killer Cat and everything else, Claire provides some great tips for starting to read with your pre-schooler.  It's good to get them familiar with books and reading as early as possible.  After all, to learn about other things you first need to be able to read!

Get Crafty: Maggie, at Red Ted Art, has pulled together a collection of the best back to school crafts to get you in the mood for the start of school.

If the idea of a yummy Schultuete doesn't get them running through the front gates, maybe the gorgeous notebooks and decorated pencils will?  At the very least, the last week of the summer holidays are sorted!

 What about me? 

 

 How will I cope? What are other mums feeling?

 

Sentimental? Wondering what she'll fill her time with, and whether Little Miss will settle in OK, Mum on the Brink is a mum feeling sentimental about the next stage in her young girls life.

This post is sure to strike a chord with mums everywhere.

Struggling with logistics? Lady Briggs ponders how her daily schedule will change when K starts school in a few weeks.  Nursery's often cater very well for working parents, but with the move to school, and a 3.30pm finish she's got some logistics to work out.  Find out how the preparation is going with this follow-up post too.

Proud? Kel, at Writing, Rambling and Reviews, is really proud of her growing boy.  Legs is really looking forward to attending his new school in September. 

 

Making the most of time at home: Pippa, over at A Mother's Ramblings, has collated a list of the things she wants to do with her Big Boy before he starts school in a year.  It's a long list!  Are there things you want to do before the new term comes around?   

 

 

 

 

What if my child has allergies?

 

Over at Allergy UK this comprehensive post provides information on how to establish a management plan, what questions to ask and how to prepare for school when your child suffers from allergies. 

For those with food allergies I particularly like the idea of sending a 'special treat' tin to school so that your child doesn't miss out on a treat when other children bring in birthday buns or treats to hand out.  This is just one of many useful tips on this site.

What about schools outside the UK?

 

In the Netherlands they hang up their school bags with their national flags in June, have a unique way of keeping the school clean and accept new intakes every week!

Find out more about Funky Monkey's start at her new Dutch school in this vibrant and enlightening post over at Tales from Windmill Fields.   

In Australia it's different again, with the school year starting in January (I suppose it is their summer!).  Trevor Cairney, leader of the New College at the University of New South Wales (Sydney) talks us through the varied starting age across Australia in his Literacy blog and how this compares to other countries.  This post is an insightful and comprehensive discussion as to the best starting school age for children, including what to consider if thinking about holding your child back for a year.

Resources 

Reading, phonics and books!

 

 

Welcome packs: If you want to get a head start, you might want to invest in some resources to help support your child's learning.  Twinkl Resources provide educational materials for schools, but there's nothing to stop you being 'teacher'!

Their Key Stage 1 Welcome Pack is a great place to start.

Phonics Tests: If you've heard rumours about a worrying new test that your child will have to take in Year 1, don't fret.  My post, here, outlines my views on the new Phonics Screening Tests, and rest assured, my summary is that you shouldn't be at all concerned with this test.  It's a test of the teacher's method, not the child's ability.

 

 

 

 

Books: Starting School

For books that serve a double purpose; firstly getting the process of reading underway and secondly, reading about starting school!  This is my special collection of books to get you and your child, in the mood!

Next steps

If you found this post useful, please help share it with other mums just like you, who may also find this guidance useful as their child takes a first step into the education system.

I'd appreciate it if you'd share this post with your friends, using the sharing buttons below.

If you notice any glaring omissions in this post, then please contact me!  I want to ensure this is a useful and accurate article.  Or feel free to add any of your own tips in the 'comments' box below.  Commenting is welcome.

Good luck to all those children starting school in 4 short weeks.  Have fun!

Unless otherwise stated, all the pictures used in this post are from the contributing articles and are used with the permission of the websites referred to.

How do you find time for yourself?

I am honoured this week to be playing host to some great writers.  Not only have I been able to host Caroline Smaile's online ending to 99 Reason's Why, but I am also honoured to be able to bring you a post on "Me Time" from the yummy Joanne Mallon.

Me Time:  An extract from Toddlers: An instruction manual - a guide to surviving the years one to four (written by parents, for parents).  Buy it in paperback, or download for kindle.

“Me Time” is one of those maligned phrases that has come to be derided as much as it is desired. It can feel like yet another obligation to add to your list – a list which is probably already full to bursting with things you don’t have the time or energy to get round to as it is.

So how achievable is it the parent of a toddler to have some time to yourself, to have a life away from your child? Is it worth the bother?

When I was writing my book and asked parents of toddlers this question, they looked at me as if I’d gone a bit squiffy in the head and wondered if I was feeling alright. “Me Time, what’s that?” just about sums it up.

And yet, if you dig a bit deeper, some parents do carve out pockets of time for themselves. Some run or go the gym, some get crafty and make things, others blog, join book groups, get involved in charity work or simply relax with a glass of wine in the bath at night. All of them are just as busy as you, so if some people can do it, it must, by definition, be at least possible. But with more than enough on our plates already, why should we bother?

Look after yourself

I believe that taking care of yourself is part and parcel of taking care of your child. Children, even little babies, are very sensitive to their environment. They’re like a barometer of your life.

So if you’re stressed, worried or rushed off your feet, they will know about it, even if they can’t say it (To be fair, they may be the cause of it). If your relationship is troubled, even if you never argue in front of your child, they will pick up on it.

This is why, when your attention is elsewhere, your child’s behaviour may react against this. They sense that your attention is not with them, so they want it back.

So given that our child’s moods and our own are so intertwined, it makes sense to see taking care of yourself as being part of taking care of your child. You’re not being a better parent if you sit on all your needs, and end up feeling unfulfilled. Happy parents = happy kids. It’s all interlinked.

I’ll just sort out this laundry...

Your child will never thank you if you martyr yourself to them, and make parenthood your only interest. And don’t use lack of childcare as an excuse, because there are always ways around that – apart from paying a babysitter, you could do childcare swaps with another parent. Or you could take up an interest that doesn’t require childcare – anything from reading, playing video games to running your own online business. And if all else fails, there’s always drinking and sex. (not at the same time though, unless you are particularly ambidextrous).

And don’t make housework an excuse either because that one’s never going to go away. There will always be more dust to hoover, but in the scale of things our lives are pretty brief.

I believe that the time we spend away from our children is what helps us be better parents when we are back in the bosom of our families. Even if it’s only a few minutes with the bathroom door locked, you need that breathing space for the sake of your own mental health. You need time when you’re something else other than someone’s mum or dad, and don’t have to think about whose bottom needs wiping.

"Me Time" isn't just time for you - it's time for all of your family.

***

Joanne is a freelance parenting journalist, a life and career coach and a parent of two.  You can also find Joanne's blog here. 

The book brings together tried and tested practical, down-to-earth tips from parents who've survived the toddler years.

We'd both love to know your thoughts on "Me Time".  Do you manage to carve out enough time for yourself?  If so, how? 

Save time toning your bum; with this exercise whilst brushing your teeth!

 I made a hideous mistake this weekend.  I got on the scales.

NNNOOOOO! I hear you cry.  Why, oh why, would I do that?  I honestly don't know.  It was Mother's Day and for a reason know only to my subconscious I stepped foot on those scales for the first time in over a year.

I am 5ft 6 inches tall.  I'm telling you that so you can make a judgement as to how bad, or not, the resulting 'weight' was.

11 stone 8 pounds.  That's apparently 73.48 kg (conversion chart here)

Since having children it seems to be true that if I hover around 11 stone I can fit, comfortably, in size 12 trousers.  At 11 stone 8, most of my wardrobe doesn't fit.  I am wearing jeans that, as I am writing this, I am desperate to take off, as the belt is digging into my tummy.  I know it's not a pretty picture I am painting, but I feel the need to share, in the hope it'll stop me reaching for yet another biscuit.

So I have started making changes.  One of the first is to try and cram exercise into every possible part of the day I can, but without actually spending special extra time exercising.  How?

My first trick is going to be to do the Yummy Mummy? Really? Bum exercise whilst brushing my teeth.

The Yummy Mummy? Really? Bum Exercise

Whilst stood in front of the sink; brushing teeth with one hand; use the other hand to steady yourself against the sink for balance  (ideally don't hold on at all).

Stand with your feet together.  Now take your right foot and place it behind your left at a right angle.  You should have the toes on your right foot (and your right knee) pointing to your right, and the heel pointing to your left.  The middle of your right foot, the arch, should be resting against the heel of your left foot.

Now lift your right foot up off the ground slightly (a couple of millimetres), bending the knee and keep your foot flexed.  You are ready to exercise your right bum cheek.  Lift the right foot behind you, keeping the foot angled from right to left and flexed (not pointed), and keeping the bend in the knee the same.

It won't go very high up, and the height doesn't really matter.  What does matter is that the lifting should be felt in your bum!  Trust me that if you are doing it right you'll feel it.

Return foot to the lowered position, and then keep lifting and lowering.  I do roughly 30 up-downs by the second hand on the clock.  Up for 1 count, down on 2, up on 3.  I do 1 minute on one side, and another minute on the other side.

That's the 2 minutes of teeth brushing done too.

Multi-tasking at it's best.  No time wasted, teeth brushed and bum toned.

Anyone got any others?

A Mother's Day Meme

I have never been tagged in a Meme before.  In fact, three months ago that sentance would have made no sense to me at all.  For all those readers out there that don't know, an internet 'meme', according to Wilipedia, is apparently "an idea that is propagated through the World Wide Web."

In this case, the lovely mums at the More Than a Mum blog initiated a meme in celebration of Mother's Day.  I am lucky enough to have been tagged by Mother.Wife.Me to take part.

The idea is to answer a set of questions on motherhood; so here it goes!  I have tried to be completely honest.

Describe motherhood in three words

Difficult.  Rewarding.  Incredible.


Does your experience differ from your mother's?  How?

Yes, definitely.  My mother had me when she was 23 years old, almost 10 years younger than when I had my first child.  I think she probably had more energy as a result.

And she had me in the 70s, when a lot of baby advice was very different.  For example; feeding was strictly four-hourly back then.  These days the advice varies considerably between health professional, with advice flexing depending on the age of the baby, their weight and health.  When initially breastfeeding some say two-hourly is appropriate.  The raft of advice from family, friends, the internet and books supplementing and often conflicting with that of your particular health visitor, makes it a confusing time to raise your first child.  My impression is that it was a lot more straight forward in the 70s.  Sometimes too many cooks spoil the broth.

What's the hardest thing about being a mum?

The responsibility.  It's no longer just about keeping yourself safe from harm.  Now it's about protecting another being.  Not only protecting them, but also bringing them up correctly.  Trying to ensure they grow up to be responsible, curteous, unselfish, polite, happy, energetic and able to look after themselves.

If I think about it too much, the responsibility freaks me out!

What's the best thing?

Seeing their joy.  When they smile at me it's the best feeling in the world.

How has it changed you?

Immeasurably for the better.  I now hold reserves of patience I never envisaged being possible.  I am less selfish, more relaxed, more tired (but in a nice way) and I finally understand what I put my parents through!  You don't know until you have your own children.

What do you hope for your children?

That they will by happy and contended.  I hope we manage to bring them up as well as my parents did me.

What do you fear for them?

I fear that human's aren't learning from our mistakes.  I fear that human's need to constantly use violence to solve problems will have catastrophic consequences.  And I fear that the planet may well be fed up with us sooner than we'd like to think.

More locally; I fear that I won't be able to teach them some lessons.  That I'll have to sit back and watch them learn for themselves, sometimes painfully.  And I hope I can be there for them whenever they need me.

What makes it all worthwhile?

 Their smiles. And their hugs; when they hold me so tight and I don't want them to let go!


And there we go!

And so, I understand I now have to tag five others, who tag five more in turn and so on.  Don't forget to come back to this page and let me know how you've got on!

I tag:

Emma Lee-Potter at A House with no Name
Jo at Slummy Single Mummy
Laura at Chez Mummy
Jules at Mummy Needs Coffee
Mum of all Trades

5 Quick Ironing Tips - For Busy Women

So you've barely got time to throw on the lippy in the morning, never mind get all those clothes ironed.  How can you speed up the process to leave yourself time for a cuppa?

1.  Prioritise 

When you haven't got time to iron the shirts, how do you think you've got time to mess about ironing those tea towels, or that under sheet for your eldest's bed?  Scrap that!  Tea towels should be folded and put away as soon as they are dry - no ironing required.  Under sheets?  Come on!  You are going to lie on them and they'll be hidden under the duvet anyway.  Fold them and go.  The same goes for children's vests, pants (knickers, not trousers), socks, tights, pyjamas and, if you can bear it, pillow cases and top sheets.  Most of these items won't be seen and those that will won't retain creases for long.  I know some folk who iron the gusset of pants to get rid of bacteria.  I figure that if I've cleaned them properly it shouldn't be an issue.

2.  Don't Over-dry

Over the winter months our clothes inevitably end up on dryers next to the radiator.  This is an effective way of drying clothes, but the tendency is for them to over-dry.  Cotton based clothes like men's shirts can be a nightmare to iron when they are over-dry.  The best plan is to get them off that dryer the second they are dry.  In fact, they should be very slightly moist and should be ironed as quickly as possible once they are off that dryer.

3.  Use Water

You need a water spray bottle to get those 'over-dry' sections moist before ironing them.  And if you have a steam iron, use it!  Water is your best friend.  You need enough so that the crease is wet before you iron it, and dry afterwards.

4.  Foil

Get a reflective ironing board cover.  They reflect the heat back up to the underside of the material.  Lining the underside of your own cover with foil has much the same effect and is cheaper.

5.  Go Large

Use the largest ironing board you can cope with.  The added space will allow the clothes to sit on top without slipping and allow you to iron bigger sections before having to more the clothes along.


And with that folks; off you go for that cuppa!

How to encourage healthy eating....

My children will try pretty much any type of food.

I count this as a blessing.  Particularly since I didn't even eat Pizza until I was 20 years old.

I was bought up in a typical English environment, where the meals consisted of 'meat, potato and veg' or were children's meals like 'beans on toast', 'dippy egg' or 'tomato soup with soldiers'.  To this day my parents don't eat rice, or pasta, or anything that hints at a herb other than mint (only with lamb).  Whilst you can quite happily eat traditional English food in a healthy way, I'm pleased that I have a wider variety of foods with which to now tempt my children, which I gained purely as a result of spending 3 years at university and 'experimenting'.  With food, obviously.  My girls are now; helpfully; big fans of pasta (even cold in salads; which I hate).  They love rice (quick and easy, and they'll even help sweep up the mess afterwards).  And we've recently introduced them to poppadoms and chicken bhuna, with great success.

It's not been easy though.  Our youngest, now 30 months old, continues to go through stages of 'pickiness'.  And I refuse to rise to it.  I continue to offer a selection of foods, and the availability of pudding is directly related to how much main course she's eaten.  A small amount of main course equates to a small amount of pudding.  And we have, whilst out at a restaurant, allowed her older sister to eat ice cream for pudding, even though the youngest hadn't eaten mains and was therefore not allowed any.  She whined.  But we stuck to our guns, and she now always eats at least some of her main course.

And I think that's the trick.  When you realise that they will never starve themselves at this age.  That they'll eat when they are hungry.  And that rising to it only makes it into a game that you really don't want to be playing. And when you realise that children's potion sizes are so much smaller than ours, and that a tiny plate of pasta and meatballs is actually quite filling, and that a single 'dippy egg' with one slice of bread to dip can keep them going for ages.

These days we would probably be considered old fashioned for our approach.  Which consists of this: make dinner, place dinner in front of children, allow them appropriate time to eat dinner, call end to dinner and remove remaining food.  If they choose not to eat it, well they'll need to wait until the next snack time (for fruit) or for the next meal (where they inevitably eat a whole lot better.) 

Sometimes you just need to remember who's in charge!

Parenting Wisdom.....?

I cannot reiterate this enough.  Grandma is a genius.  Cheeky Monkey No 2 is now happily waving us goodnight each evening and settling herself down to sleep in her cot.  See my previous post for the method. Sleep & how to keep your bed to yourself 

She occasionally still wakes up in the night.  But it's not guaranteed and she will, if returned to bed in the calm way described (without talking) simply go straight back to sleep (even at 5am in the morning, and that's a first!) She's 26 months old.

And so I am at that lovely point.  The one where you feel that you've solved a parenting dilemma.  That you can actually do this parenting lark.  And fairly well, actually.  That staying up past 10pm is now a long distant dream that has returned to your world.  You want your evenings back.  You relax.  You think you can stay up until, dare I say it, closer to 11pm, and still wake up vaguely human at 6am the next morning.

That is until the next saga.  Which will no doubt hit me tonight (cynic, nah!) now I've mentioned it.  Because, you see, parenting successes are fleeting.  You win one, you move on to the next one.  Challenge after challenge, day after day.  Knowing that, however little sleep you've had, however demoralised, uncertain, lost, confused, angry, exhausted, drained, worn out; you are still happy, in love, proud, certain, amazed, stunned, excited, gleeful, and ready to face the challenge.  For in no other job are the rewards so great.  Just one smile, one hug, one "I love you mummy", and I'm back. Back in the game. 

Now what time did that film finish?  Midnight?  No problem!?