The post-TV grump

Every time we turn off the TV my daughter, Princess Peppa, will, within one hour, have a major strop, be at best really grumpy and snappy with the family, at worst be an absolute devil-child.

I have noticed this phenomenon develop in her over the last couple of years and get swiftly worse in the last few months as the type of TV she watches has evolved. She is now 7 years old and has recently graduated from CBeebies to CBBC.

At the same time we have started watching more action cartoons in preference to the former Peppa Pig, Dora the Explorer, Disney Princess films or Barbie.

Since Little Miss George is such a Tomboy in her attempt to be individual from her girlie big sister, we now watch Ben10, Scooby Doo, Spider-Man, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Marvel Avengers. I must admit to being proud they are breaking away from the stereotypical 'girl' TV, however it's not without its disadvantages.

Apparently, when a child gets to an age where their concentration span is strong enough to really focus on a half-hour programme and really get into it, they find it difficult, after the programme, to go back to normal social niceties. Jo Frost, in her original book Supernanny, says of television; "what they are getting is mindless stimulation that will wind them up and shorten their attention spans."

Parenting advice: Do as I say, not as I do

I have lost count of the number of times I have seen a parent (sometimes me) shouting at the top of their voices at their children; "WILL YOU STOP SHOUTING AND BE QUIET!"

I understand the compulsion as I've have been there.  But it's interesting how often you see it happen: a parent asking their child to do something that they are not doing themselves. 

I've now worked out the solution for us in the case of shouting.  When our two girls are screaming at each other, sometimes in anger, sometimes just because they want to be heard over each other, I pause (to take a breathe and ensure to be calm) and make sure I walk right into the fray, crouch down to their level, gesture for them to look at me and I, ever so quietly, tell them that there is no need to shout at each other or me, as we are not a million miles away.

It's surprising how effective speaking quietly is.  The sudden change in volume, coupled with their need to go quiet in order to hear my words, has a drastic impact on the decibel level in the room.

Besides; I shouldn't expect them to be quiet if I am allowed to shout.  In the same way you can't teach children to be honest if you regularly lie, or to be reliable if you are constantly late. 

Are there any things you do, but that you try and teach your children not to do?  My vice is chocolate.  I try and teach them to eat healthily but regularly find myself sneaking a biscuit on the sly so that they don't want one too.  How bad is that!?

Click on 'Comments' below to let me know your parenting "do as I says", or track me down on Twitter or Facebook .

Help! My child doesn't want to go to school!

Late on Sunday evening, the night before school was due to start a new term after the Easter break, my friend's five year old daughter took a tube of toothpaste, squeezed out three or four large gloops, and rubbed it all into her dry hair like shampoo.  All over. 

Her mother, understandably, was fairly upset.  It took four actual shampoos and rinses to get the bulk of it out of her hair.  Bedtime was somewhat delayed.

You'll obviously have worked out that this child wasn't keen on school.  It's nothing new; she's been coming up with excuses to avoid going to school for the whole 18 months she's been in attendance.  Luckily, her mum, being the sensible woman she is, hasn't let her daughter win this battle of wills.  Attending school is not a debating matter.  But, the daughter has obviously inherited her mother's fighting spirit and stubbornness, so it's a battle of wills that continues to rage.

Excuses have included;

• I can only go to school when it's sunny.  
• I've broken my leg. (she obviously hadn't).  
• I can't find any socks (she'd hidden them all)
• I can't find my shoes (she'd hidden those too)

There's no doubting she's got a brilliant imagination.  But mum has had mornings where she has had to take her into school in her pyjamas, uniform in bag, and carry her to the door kicking and screaming.

Ironically, once at school, all reports suggest that she enjoys it.  She is super bright; reading texts far beyond her years; but appears to socialise happily in the school environment.

Her mother, though, is starting to wonder if she'll ever go to school without fuss.

Can anyone help? 

Is this something that she will eventually grow out of?  Or is it a habit that she'll find hard to break?  Is there anything more mum can do?

What inventive things has your child done to avoid school?

3 steps to stop a tantrum...

Some more tips on parenting today. I can't pretend to be expert. I only share what works for us! I'll be talking about make-up cleansers next time - because I've been getting spots since wearing make-up this last 6 months, and I can only assume it's due to not cleansing it properly at night. So any advice would be good!

Anyway - back to the issue of 'tantrums', or as I call them 'bottom lip moments'!

1. If the tantrum is threatening to start because you have said "No" in response to a request for something, immediately get down to your child's level. If they are talking, wait patiently for a pause, and then say "(Name of Child), Mummy has said No. That means No."

2. If the issue is one of timing, then you can follow this, before they get chance to interrupt ideally, with a brief explanation why. And it should be brief. For example; "You cannot have a chocolate biscuit now, because we are going to have dinner in a minute. If you behave nicely, and eat up your dinner, you may be able to have something chocolaty for pudding". Be careful to actually allow this if you promise it. If you don't want them to have a biscuit at all, then no promises of one later should be made. Above all you need to be trustworthy!

3. Immediately distract the child with an activity. "Come on; let's do some sticking before dinner"

The response is likely to be either; a full on, bottom lip out, stamping feet, crying tantrum. Or, an obliging child, sufficiently told, happy(ish) to do 'sticking' for the time being. If you do get the tantrum, you have one extra step of your choice.

Either, you warn the child that if they continue to scream and shout after you've counted to five, they will have to go on the Naughty Step. And follow it through.

Or, state clearly that you will not discuss this anymore, and turn your attention away from the child (either by going out of the room, or turning to play with another sibling, actively making a big deal out of the fun you and the other child are having.)

I find these methods work really well. I rarely manage to count to five. And when the elder does stop sniffling, and is clearly making an effort to calm down, I immediately stop counting and revert to the distraction activity again, but making a big deal about how well she has done to calm down. "Well done! We can go and do some sticking now. We don't want to be crying do we. Let's quickly blow your nose," (move child across the room, or into another room) "and we'll get those Dora stickers out. Cor! There's a lot of stickers here. Shall we make a card, or a picture?"

Throwing more questions her way makes her think about something else. And moving her, even if just to get a tissue, is distracting because her environment changes. And if I'm lucky, the episode ends there.

I hope that's helpful. Let me know if anyone has any other methods for dealing with those 'bottom lip' moments!

Yummy Mummy? Really?

I now know that I am officially a "Mummy".

I know this because my 3 year old daughter reminds me at least 100 times a day. "Mummy, can I have a snack?", "Mummy, can I have a drink?", "Mummy, will you play with me?", "Mummy, I don't want to wear my trousers today", "Mummy, I need a wee wee......", "Muuummmmmyyyyyyy".

I also, now know, that the idealised version of motherhood I had in my head before my husband and I had ‘the’ discussion, and opted to start our family, was clearly blurred by hazy childhood memories of happily playing in paddling pools in my mums' back garden all summer long. I don’t remember noticing my mum getting frazzled by the constant demands for attention, food, drink, cuddles, etc. Neither do I remember her ever really telling me off. Of course she has recently told me the frazzled stories, but only after we had already had our first daughter. Bit late mum?.

We have 2 girls; 3 years, and 10 months. I love them to bits. But I am annoyed at the media portrayal of what is now termed “Yummy Mummies”. Who are these “Yummy Mummies” anyway? In the hopes of trying to discover for myself how it is, or maybe it isn’t, possible to be a mummy, and also to be yummy, I have started this blog to share my thoughts and perhaps shed some light on the matter.

I, as you have probably already worked out, am quite often slightly frazzled. No, scrap that. I’m very frazzled, almost all of the time. This, in the quiet hour after the girls have gone to sleep, is usually my “collapse in front of the telly with hubby” time. But in the interests of gaining some me time (for us both - he’s in the gym), I am treating myself to some cathartic ramblings.

I thought I’d share a story about today’s minor breakdown. It started simply enough. My husband asked if it was OK for him to go and cut the lawn. Nothing wrong there. He asked me - he’s incredibly polite and thoughtful, and it was a dry day - a rare treat this summer so obviously the timing was appropriate. I think the only real problem was that I hadn’t expected it. I’d got the rest of the day planned out roughly in my head, and my hubby disappearing to cut our lawn hadn’t featured. (He would now point out that he had warned me he’d try and do it this weekend on Friday night - so sorry hun - I’m clearly a frazzled mummy with no brain cells left!)

I thought about it, had a minor freak out (I knew the job would take all afternoon - it’s a huge lawn and he’d left it a while), and told him to go and do it, of course.

So, all’s well so far. The youngest is having an afternoon nap. Only the eldest to contend with. Fine.

I tried to make a cup of tea. Not once. Not twice. But four times. Over the course of an hour. I never got that cup of tea. The eldest wanted to play. Then she wanted a drink. Then she had an ‘accident’ and we had to find new trousers. Then she wanted to play some more. Then we went outside to ‘help’ daddy cut the lawn by picking up the grass cuttings in our little wheelbarrow and watered the plants with out little watering can. That was my genius half hour that. I was, still am, proud of that. She loved it, but got so engrossed playing; making cups of tea with her tea set and the watering can; that she had another ‘accident‘. She is supposedly potty trained, but has crazy days like this sometimes.

Our youngest woke up. Now this, I think, is where it started to go a bit downhill. They don’t particularly play well together. Our youngest wants to eat everything (including her older sister) as she’s teething. The eldest wants to play with her dressing up table and jewellery, but won’t let her sister near it. If the youngest just toddles over for a look, her sister shouts and screams and runs across the room to find another corner to play in.

So literally 15 minutes after the youngest woke up; I have her screaming for attention, and for the use of at least one toy. The eldest taking all toys off the youngest, because as soon as she’s got it sister wants it. Me trying to get the eldest to help me tidy up. And the eldest screaming because I asked her to stop kicking me.

Cue Naughty Step. More screaming. A tantrum (in my head). Another more hysterical tantrum (The eldest this time). The youngest picking up the tune. An apology. And a very upset mummy shouting for daddy "any chance you can be finished about now?".

I might not have made it clear but I held it together (outwardly) right up to the apology. Then, once it was all done and back to normal (The youngest's usual crying whilst changing her nappy I could cope with normally), I broke down in tears.

I have never cried so often as since I had children. So here I ask, and it’ll be the first of many times I ask this I suspect, how can you be ‘yummy’ when you’re too busy giving out so much of yourself that you end up in tears?

And then, more tears, as I walked back into our playroom after drying my eyes to find that the eldest had tidied up. “There you are mummy” she said. “It’s all tidy now” and she came and gave my a big unsolicited cuddle.