Congratulations Fearne and Jesse!
Across the gossip sites the news that Fearne Cotton announced on her official website that she, and boyfriend Jesse Wood, are expecting a baby, was met with varying degrees of 'OMG', delighted shock, amazement and plenty of stereotypical hand over mouth jaw dropping expressions.
The immediate response has been one of great congratulations; rightly so.
I am probably in the minority then, when my immediate knee jerk response sounds exactly like the sort of thing my mother would say:-
"They aren't married are they?"
I don't count myself as religious; my hubby and I had a civil ceremony when we got married for that very reason, but I do believe in marriage. Like a woman from another century I am always surprised when I hear of a couple having a baby before getting married. I believe in building a family. I believe in a stable committed environment for children to grow up in. And I am also not naive enough to think that a couple is treated the same under law married as they are single, and for the security of the child I absolutely believe in marriage first.
That's not to say that it is always possible. I have a lovely friend who has recently married six months after giving birth to her first child. The couple are building a beautiful family and the order of these two events isn't an issue as they are close together and the intention is there. But I have also watched couples get together and break-up again alarming often. I wonder whether, if they were married, they would be more incentivised to try and resolve issues before jumping away from the relationship?
Added pressure on the relationship
Having a child puts an enormous amount of pressure onto a relationship. The first 5 years are incredibly difficult as you both adapt to your new roles as parents and struggle to find time or energy for each other. My hubby and I have always recognised this and carve out time for date nights and also manage to organise weekends away maybe twice a year. Even through tough patches we know we are 'married' and that we are committed to each other. So we work through it, we communicate and we resolve to improve things. I'm not sure the same incentive is there when you are not married?
What do you think?
These are just my thoughts and I realise you won't all agree with me, but that's why I'm writing this post.
What do you think? Do you expect to hear a wedding announcement from Fearne soon? Or would you be more surprised if she did get married than if she didn't? Do you think marriage is an outdated concept that I'm naive to believe in? Or do you think it provides a solid foundation for a family to thrive within? Do you think Fearne and Jesse, or any couple, would survive the first 5 years with or without marriage?
I'd be really interested to know your thoughts. Please comment below, or connect with me on Twitter @ymummyreally. Please share this post with your friends on Twitter and Facebook and see what they think.
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