Congratulations Fearne Cotton! Now how soon before someone mentions the 'M' word?

Congratulations Fearne and Jesse!
 

Across the gossip sites the news that Fearne Cotton announced on her official website that she, and boyfriend Jesse Wood, are expecting a baby, was met with varying degrees of 'OMG', delighted shock, amazement and plenty of stereotypical hand over mouth jaw dropping expressions.

The immediate response has been one of great congratulations; rightly so.

I am probably in the minority then, when my immediate knee jerk response sounds exactly like the sort of thing my mother would say:-

"They aren't married are they?"

I don't count myself as religious; my hubby and I had a civil ceremony when we got married for that very reason, but I do believe in marriage. Like a woman from another century I am always surprised when I hear of a couple having a baby before getting married.  I believe in building a family.  I believe in a stable committed environment for children to grow up in.  And I am also not naive enough to think that a couple is treated the same under law married as they are single, and for the security of the child I absolutely believe in marriage first.

That's not to say that it is always possible.  I have a lovely friend who has recently married six months after giving birth to her first child.  The couple are building a beautiful family and the order of these two events isn't an issue as they are close together and the intention is there.  But I have also watched couples get together and break-up again alarming often.  I wonder whether, if they were married, they would be more incentivised to try and resolve issues before jumping away from the relationship?

Added pressure on the relationship

Having a child puts an enormous amount of pressure onto a relationship.  The first 5 years are incredibly difficult as you both adapt to your new roles as parents and struggle to find time or energy for each other.  My hubby and I have always recognised this and carve out time for date nights and also manage to organise weekends away maybe twice a year.  Even through tough patches we know we are 'married' and that we are committed to each other.  So we work through it, we communicate and we resolve to improve things.  I'm not sure the same incentive is there when you are not married?

What do you think?

These are just my thoughts and I realise you won't all agree with me, but that's why I'm writing this post.

What do you think?  Do you expect to hear a wedding announcement from Fearne soon?  Or would you be more surprised if she did get married than if she didn't?  Do you think marriage is an outdated concept that I'm naive to believe in?  Or do you think it provides a solid foundation for a family to thrive within?  Do you think Fearne and Jesse, or any couple, would survive the first 5 years with or without marriage?

I'd be really interested to know your thoughts.  Please comment below, or connect with me on Twitter @ymummyreally.  Please share this post with your friends on Twitter and Facebook and see what they think.

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Could the current lack of sun cause more cases of rickets in the UK?

Rickets: should we be worried?

What is rickets?
Despite this victorian disease being virtually wiped out due to improvements in diet and the fortification of milk and cereals, in recent years the numbers of children presenting with symptoms has increased across the UK.

This disease: a softening of the bones leading to deformaties, is usually seen in children suffering from malnutritian, famine and starvation.  Somewhat worryingly it is reappearing in the UK.

What causes rickets?
The main cause of Rickets is a deficiency in Vitamin D.  Calcium deficiency can also be a cause.  Once you realise that our main sources of Vitamin D are oily fish, eggs and natural sunlight, you immediately start to see why a deficiency may be occurring.

Children are spending a lot of time indoors and when they do go out in the sun we are slathering on the suncream at the first inclining of a sunny day.  Additionally, many children may be covering up for cultural and religious reasons.

The natural sunlight that is required to absorb enough Vitamin D isn't much;  10-15 minutes of sun exposure on hands and face a few times a week.  However it's the UVB rays that induce the vitamin D into our skin, which can't get through if we are covered in sunscreen at all times.  In the UK we use our winter stores of Vitamin D between November and April (when the UVB rays aren't strong enough); but need to get enough Vitamin D in the summer months.

Risk of rickets versus the risk of sun burn
And so here we reach the problem for mothers; how do you ensure your child is getting enough exposure to the sun to avoid a Vitamin D deficiency, whilst also ensuring they don't burn? 

Fair skin?
For children with fair skin, the NHS suggests allowing 10-15 minutes a day (no longer) of time in the sun without sunscreen.  The more skin that is exposed the more Vitamin D will be stored and the shorter the time of exposure required.   Obviously it is then important to apply sunscreen to avoid the risk of burning and many cancers.

In my case I know I can burn with just 10 minutes unprotected exposure at 1pm, but at 10.30am or 3pm I am usually safe to go without sunscreen for short periods.  Use the knowledge you have of your own skin as a starting point.

And of course, if you and your child do not burn within 15 minutes in the UK sun, this may not be the case when you jet off to the Mediterranean for your holidays.  The closer to the equator you get, the stronger the sun.  The children will probably spend most of their Mediterranean holiday outside and in swimsuits, so it's probably safer to avoid any unprotected time for those two weeks unless it's perhaps later in the evening, when the sun is still out but is less strong. 

Dark skin?
Dark skin requires slightly longer to absorb the Vitamin D.  Those of African Caribbean and South Asian descent are at greateer risk of Vitamin D deficiency.  Start with small amounts of unprotected time in the sun at cooler times of the day, and build up gradually to approximately 10-15 minutes.  Again, the more skin that is exposed, the more Vitamin D will be absorbed.

Improving a child's diet
The following foods are rich in Vitamin D:

• Oily fish
• Breakfast cereals (check the label)
• Eggs
• Margarine
• Liver

The risk to adults
It's worth pointing out that although Rickets is a childhood disease; Vitamin D deficiency in adults causes osteomalacia, which causes bone pain and tenderness, so it's just as important for us adults to get some sun exposure each day.

Vitamin D during Pregnancy
The NHS also recommends that pregnant and breastfeeding woman take a Vitamin D supplement to ensure their and their babies needs are met. Pregant women and children who qualify can obtain free supplements through the Healthy Start scheme.  Supplements should not exceed 25 micrograms a day. (40IU = 1mg)

Care in the sun
You can't make too much Vitamin D from excessive sun exposure, but you can very quickly burn, so be careful, don't forget to apply that sun screen and if in doubt, cover up.

A video giving advice on how to apply sunscreen is here:




Sources and further information:
Rickets: Wikipedia
NHS Choices: Rickets
NHS Choices: Preventing Rickets
Rickets cases reported in Cardiff by health workers.  July 2011
Sunscreen causes Rickets: New wave of cases in England. Feb 2011
More cases of Rickets turn up in UK, lack of sunshine exposure to blame. Aug 2011

Maternity Wear: Making do and saving money

You can get away with adapting what you've got, and supplementing with the odd charity shop item, or items from friends, and still look yummy with an increasing large bump.

In the early weeks you can often wear your normal clothes, and if, like me, you have a range of different sizes in your wardrobe, you will often find slightly larger trousers hidden away that join the party as your waist begins to expand. 

But once that bump gets too large for your trousers, do you really need to go out and spend a fortune on new clothes that will only fit for as few weeks?  No, not at all.
 
Remember boob-tubes from the 80s?  If you still have these, they are great for using as a belt and bump support.  Not only can they cover over the tops of trousers and hide that top button that just won't do up, but they also support your bump and enable you to continue to wear tops that otherwise wouldn't come down far enough to cover the bump.

You can, of course, buy these in the form of the bumpband! (Approx £17; but cheaper on Amazon)  But you can just as easily make your own with some Lycra based material from an old Lycra dress or top if you haven't managed to hoard those boob tubes for that long!

Equally, you can fashion a triangle of material, stitched into the front of trousers, with a button, Velcro, or even stitched in both sides, to span the gap between buttons and holes on trousers.  I did this very successfully with my work trousers.  The only problem is that it's not that pretty, and once your waist gets wider than your hips, there's nothing to hold them up.  So I stitched in my material and wore the trousers with my husbands braces underneath my usual smart work shirt.  Nobody knew the wiser (shhh!)  Again, you can buy these in the form of waist extenders for about £13; still much cheaper than a couple of pairs of brand new maternity trousers.

Finally, there are plenty of dresses, wrap tops and knitwear pieces that will happily stretch to accommodate a growing bump.  Just be careful you don't pick your favourite, as it may not return to it's usual size afterwards!

And finally, leggings are actually in fashion!  Elasticated waists just when you need them!  Pity they weren't quite so fashionable when I was pregnant!

However, if you do have a little bit of money to spend, I would recommend using it for a good non-wired bra.  You'll probably need to start looking at about 20 weeks, and maybe again at 35 weeks for a breastfeeding bra.  It's not just your tummy that is going to grow, and under wires are not very good for your precious milk makers at this time.

Has anyone got any other money saving tips for making do when pregnant?   

What did you do to keep your clothes lasting longer whilst your bump grew bigger? 

And for where to buy maternity wear if you are feeling cash rich, and what to buy, click here! 

Maternity Wear: the dos, don'ts and where to find it!

 

Buying new stuff!

If you do opt to buy some new pieces to supplement your wardrobe when you are pregnant, ideally you want to select items that could feasibly be worn after the pregnancy too.  Especially if your budget is tight. 

This means selecting tops that are long and floaty, ideal for covering the bump, but equally pretty afterwards; better yet, select wrap around styles in which you can show off your bump, but which will work equally well sans bump. 

 

There's another reason I am not a fan of the tent dress; nor indeed tent tops.  Wearing tops like this; that drop from the extreme edge of your bump straight down; actually make it more difficult for the average person to judge if indeed you are pregnant, or have just been eating generously.  I firmly believe it is these tops that cause the most confusion.   

Once I was happy for everyone to know, (after the 12 weeks point)  I preferred to make it quite obvious that I was pregnant, with tops that wrap around, preferably with an empire-line.

 

Next's Black Hem top, for example, is a lovely top, that could be worn whether pregnant or not.  But it 'tents', so I'm not personally a fan after the first few weeks.

Next's Pink Breastfeeding wrap top is better, not only because it shows off the bump, but also because it is then perfect for breastfeeding.

I link to these Next tops as an example, but also because Next have a good range of maternity wear – particularly for working women.  As well as a handy Maternity 'Sizing' guide here.

I don't know about you, but during my first pregnancy I thought you had to go up a size in clothes.  Actually, unless you are putting weight on all over (like I did for the first, but not for the second) you stick with your usual dress size, just in 'maternity wear'.  

This obviously doesn't stop you buying non-maternity clothes that fit the bill in whatever size happens to fit at that point!

For the full Next range click here.

Other great maternity wear suppliers include:

Online: 

Isabella Oliver

Tiffany Rose 

Crave Maternity

Asos

Simply be

Asda direct

High Street:

New Look

Dorothy Perkins

Top shop

Mothercare

John Lewis

And it's always worth checking out charity shops, as maternity wear is worn for such a short time, it often has plenty of wear left in it!  

Second hand baby wear stores often include Maternity wear too, for example;
Lilypad4kids in Derbyshire
Maternity Exchange

But do you have to go out and buy a new wardrobe?  In these financially challenging times, when disposable income is decreasing, can you afford to buy a new wardrobe?  And what if you can't? 

Pop back next week for a post on 'Making do' with what you've got.

Great Gift for New Dads

I have just discovered a great gift for new dads.  The Daddy Diaper Changing Toolbox!  It's from America, but they do free shipping to the UK.  The inventors, Valrico residents Chris Hatzfield and Julie Etzkom, came up with the idea at their third baby shower, where Chris noticed that all the focus was on showering the new mum with gifts.  What about Dad?

I agree, and with baby showers taking off in the UK, it's a great idea to shower both new mum and dad in helpful gifts in preparation for their new arrival.

The kit includes; among other things, a mask ("toxic fume filter"), goggles, a poop poncho, tongs, ear/nose plugs, pacifier (dummy, or "scream plug"), baby wipes, diaper, bio hazard bag and rubber gloves, among other things.  Check out the link above for full details.

I have to say though..... nose plugs?  Are we saying that dad's are really that wimpy!?

The Yummy Mummy Guide to Pregnancy! Part 1.

Oh I remember it well.

The excitement. The fear. The panic that every step I made would jolt my baby's head about.

Come on ladies, don't panic! Though pregnancy can come with a whole host of issues that you'd never even considered (from a healthy skin glow and bouncy hair, to constipation and leg cramps), it is an amazing experience.

I just thought I'd share a couple of tips for some of the most common ailments suffered during pregnancy.

Firstly, you may find that, if you don't eat much in the way of salt like me; I don't even add it to my potatoes; your leg cramps and something that I call 'restless legs', are even worse. Packets of salted crisps reduced my problems in this area. Before the packetofcrispsaday diet I took to in despair, I'd spent many a sleepless night pacing the bedroom, doing stupid numbers of leg stretches.

Secondly, the constipation issue. A yogurt a day on top of plenty of fruit and veg, if you can manage it. If you are still in the feeling nauseous stage, and can't face fruit and veg at the moment, try the odd few sliced bananas hidden in your cereal. But honestly, for about 10 weeks I couldn't eat much more than toast, ginger biscuits, and potato waffle cobs (sorry, should that be sarnies, or bread cakes?) and my girls turned out fine! Your body will tell you what nutrients it needs, so don't panic if you think you're not eating well when you go through the icky stage. Just try and drink plenty of water.

And finally for this instalment, the clothing dilemma..... What to wear when your trousers don't fasten, the hipster style falls off your hips, and the over-the-bump jeans slide down under your bump. I gave in to braces. Hidden, of course, under a gorgeous blouse.* After all, who's gonna know?!

* OK, so semi-gorgeous blouse. This is me.