Parenting advice...Sleep & how to keep your bed to yourself!

"MUMMY!" she shouts, "COME BACK".  Pause... She's waiting for a reaction.  Doesn't get one for a few seconds - I can't move that fast. "COME BACK ANOTHER DAY".......

Cheeky Monkey No 2's favourite song at the moment is "Rain, rain go away....come back another day".  Her favourite game tonight.... not staying in bed.

This was last weekend.  It was the second night of my implementation of 'Project Grandma-knows-best'.  Regular readers will know that CM No 2 has been testing us since we converted her cot into a cot bed.  She used to happily go into her cot, wave goodnight and snuggle down to sleep on her own.  She'd been doing this most of her second year.  But once she hit 2 yrs, the bed conversion happened, and; whether it was the freedom she suddenly had to get out of bed, or the lack of comforting bars around her; she did not want to settle to sleep on her own. 

With our first child, Cheeky Monkey No 1 (now 4 yrs), we had always been very strict about sleeping in your own bed and not in Mummy and Daddy's bed!  And we had used the Controlled crying technique when we went through a similar stage with her.  Successfully (albeit stressfully).

But with CM No 2, controlled crying is less of an option, when she's disturbing her big sister's sleep too.  So we'd tried sitting with or lying next to her until she went to sleep.  Fine when she's exhausted and drops immediately.  Less fun when she's more awake, and every time you try and creep out of the room she wakes up again. 

When she started waking in the night as well, and wanting us to lie with her again then, we realised we'd fallen into the trap of 'sleep associations'.  She now couldn't settle to sleep without us there.  Much to our own surprise, on two occasions we even ended up bringing her into our bed with us at 3am, when we were all just desperate for sleep. We realised we had to stop that, and fast, so we went back to a pattern of lying next to her until she dropped off, then creeping out of the room.  Hardly ideal when you're having to do it a few times a night.

In steps Grandma.  The girls went to stay with Grandma for a weekend, and Grandma tested a new bedtime routine of her own devising.  Firstly; she sang a lullaby to them both whilst CM No 1 lay tucked up in bed, and CM No 2 sat on Grandma's knee by the bed.  With CM No 1 very good at going to sleep during her lullaby already (and happy to say goodnight if she isn't), Grandma then took CM No 2 into her bedroom and commenced Project Grandma-knows-best.

She tucked her into bed.  Gave her a kiss.  Said goodnight. and left the room immediately, leaving the door fully open.

Of course we all know exactly what happened next.  CM No 2 screamed and ran to the child gate on her bedroom door.  But whilst I might have tried this and gone downstairs, leaving her a minute before returning, and then leaving ever increasing intervals (the controlled crying method) Grandma waited just outside the door, unseen until CM No 2 reached the doorway.  And as soon as CM No 2 saw her, she stopped screaming and went quiet.  This was new.  Grandma went into the room, tucked her back in, gave her a kiss.  And did not say a word.  She then immediately left the room again. 

CM No 2 jumped up and ran to the door (no screaming).  Saw Grandma was still there.  Grandma pointed to her cot, and walked into the room.  CM No 2 climbed back into bed, was tucked back in, given a kiss and, without a word spoken, Grandma left the room again.

Over and over this little dance played out.  Grandma tells me she returned her to bed over 40 times.  It took about an hour, during which CM No 2 crucially didn't cry, (always nice, and better for everyones' stress levels), and during which Grandma never said a word.  Finally CM No 2 climbed into bed, and didn't get back out. 

The next night Grandma repeated the technique.  And in half an hour, without crying, and with no talking after that first tucking in, she was asleep in bed.

Of course then she came home and it was our turn.  I followed the instructions to the letter, and it took around 40 minutes the first night.

The next night she was less tired, having had a long nap in the day.  She paraded backwards and forwards through her bedroom, muttering to herself, singing songs, and shouting if, on the odd occasion, she got to the door and I wasn't there (I'd popped to check on her sister).  The shouting wasn't angry, or stressful, she was just shouting for me to "Come Back", and combining her favourite song in the process.  That night took longer (just over an hour), and the hardest thing was not laughing at the funny walks and singing - keeping a serious (not angry) face.  It made a change from the stressful bedtimes where I've returned her to bed so many times, with her crying because I've left her a few minutes at a time, and where everyone has just got more and more stressed until she's basically fallen to sleep of exhaustion. 

And so, 10 days on, and we've had 2 nights where she hasn't got out of bed once at bedtime, and has gone straight back to bed and stayed there when I've repeated the technique during nighttime wakings.

Tonight I had to return her maybe 8 times.  But it only took 10 minutes.

And so, Grandma definitely knows best.  She's not smug at all!  She says it works because you are sending a message that it's not playtime, that there will be no conversation about it.  That the only thing that is going to happen is that the child is going to get back into bed and be tucked in.  And that's it.  And you are doing this whilst also sending the message that you are then going to leave the room.  But reassuringly are only just outside.  And every time they come to shout, you are there, but will simply gently, but firmly, tuck them back in bed.  It's a strong message because it's done through body language, and isn't clouded by talking.  Talking which, if you are tired, stressed or angry, would show in your voice and upset the child more, no matter what words you said.

Maybe we'll call it Grandma's technique.  It works.  Try it for a week and see the progress.  But remember - serious face.  No laughing!

How to get some sleep?

Oh, if only I knew!?

If only there was one, straightforward, ready answer, to getting a little shut eye when you have two young children in the house. 

Remember my previous posts about Cheeky Monkey No 2's transfer from a cot to a cot bed?  She seemed to be getting better, in so far as she'd occasionally sleep through from 7.30pm until 5.30am.  But there has been no consistency.  Some nights she'll protest simply about going to bed and will ask us to lie in her room with her for a little bit.  She's only just turned two, but it's incredible how many words they can string together when they want something specific! 

And now we seem to be getting woken at around 3am.  And I do not exaggerate even in the slightest when I say that we are not just 'woken', but are 'thrown forcibly out of the snug bliss of dreamland only to land with a bump into a world devoid of any noise other than a blood curdling scream.' 

I think I could cope better if she was rousing in the night and mumbling to herself.  Or even calling out my name to get a cuddle to help her go back to sleep.  But no.  What we get instead is complete silence followed one second later by 'SCREAMING!!'

As you can imagine, I leap out of bed in shock.  Stumble through to her room as fast as I can, bearing in mind my lack of consciousness, trying desperately not to walk into doors, trip over the child gate, or trip over her.  I  gently walk her back to bed, tuck her in; she goes quiet pretty quickly if I lie down on the floor next to her; and she's asleep again within roughly 15 minutes of lying quietly.

So what's that all about!?

I'm hoping, with fingers and toes crossed, that she is simply teething.  That the nappy rash and runny nose are actually symptomatic rather than random coincidence.  And that those four back teeth will arrive soon and help to stop the night waking.

I'm hoping.  My concealer's good, but it won't be up to the job of covering those bags soon.

Sleep. Lack of Sleep. And a Pigeon with a Leisure Pass.

On Tuesday it took an hour from first getting Cheeky Monkey No. 2 into her cot bed to her falling asleep.  On Wednesday it took 45 minutes. Yesterday it took 1 minute (she was exhausted, and hadn't napped.  I knew it was a fluke.)   Tonight, it took 15 minutes.  Progress is being made!

I'm trying to be calm, supportive, gentle and firm.  That means that rather than raising my voice when she starts screaming as soon as I leave the room, I simply walk back to her cot, gentle pick her back up, quick cuddle, "it's bedtime", into bed, "night night", leave the room.  And I've lost track of how many times I've repeated that.  But it's working. 

I remember getting more upset going through the same process with Cheeky Monkey No. 1 two years ago.  I remember getting angry, frustrated, teary, and wondered why she was getting more angry, frustrated, and teary!  It would appear that staying calm is definitely the key.  Easier said than done, I know.

Having said that, it's an awful lot easier to stay yummy-looking when you're not in tears.  And when you have the backup of the Clarins range!  I love their concealer now, and I didn't wear make up at all a year ago!

On a completely different, very random, note: a pigeon flew inside the door of our local leisure centre in front of me this week.  I wondered whether I should queue up behind him.  He shocked the receptionist.  A couple of other female leisure centre workers immediately backed away in a very girly fashion.  The pigeon surveyed the reception area and scuttled through the entry barrier and made to wander up the stairs.  He clearly fancied a bit of a sauna.  It took another, more capable, leisure centre worker, (male, the stereotype's were prevailing today) to direct the bird back out of the door. 

Anyone got any other bizarre moments to share?

Back to School Mayhem!

I haven't had two minutes spare in the last week!  This week Cheeky Monkey No.1 starts school for the first time, Cheeky Monkey No.2 starts a new nursery and I start back at work.

I still haven't managed to find some PE shorts for CM1.  And her name labels haven't yet arrived from Marks & Spencer.  I might be more stressed as a result, but luckily CM2 was more than happy to start nursery today, was absolutely shattered on her return home, and went to bed fairly easily, bearing in mind the nightmare of a week we have had trying to get her to calmly go to sleep in her new cot bed (see previous posts).

It's late.  And I don't suppose the girls will sleep through the night, if the rest of this week is anything to go by, so I'm afraid I only have brief words of wisdom today.

1.  Don't convert a child's cot into a cotbed days before you start back to work after a summer break.
2.  Don't leave school uniform purchases, including name labels,  until the last minute.
3.  Do get your school shoes from M&S.  They are apparently "scuff resistant".  I'm looking forward to testing that claim!
4.  Do enjoy time off with toddlers.... How quickly time flies and before you know it they are at school!

Sleep.....? When cots become cot beds......

Just when you think you've got it all sorted; the girls are playing nicely together in the garden, you're actually getting some laundry sorted and ironed, and they're both sleeping through from 7.30pm until approx 6am; that's when it all goes awry again.

We have reached the point where our younger is nearly 2 years old and she can reach the top of her cot with her foot.  From 2 years of watching her older sister, she has a 'climbing' habit.  And it's purely a matter of time before she utilises her skills to throw herself out of her cot.  So we had to do it.  We had to convert the cot into a cot bed.  This weekend.

The first night was fine.  She was exhausted from a very busy day.  She went to bed late due to all the excitement surrounding the change to a new 'bed'.  So she was asleep before she could really worry about the change. 

The second night was fine.  Hubby sat with her for a bit after lullabies, and she fell to sleep whilst he was still there.  "We need to be careful we don't let that happen too often" he commented that night.  "Else she'll always want us to sit with her until she gets to sleep". 

He was right.

Today the problems started at nap time.  Usually she is brilliant at nap time.  She'll even switch into her pyjama bottoms for comfort, and snuggle up in her cot happily.  I'll say 'night night' and she'll wave me out of the room and indulge in between 1 and 2 hours kip.  Today she was absolutely not happy.  Every time I tucked her in and left the room she'd scream, run to the safety gate at her door, and stand screaming for me.

The screaming quickly reduced to whining, but 40 mins later, after so many 'tuckings-in' I lost count, when she was still getting up the second I left, I gave up and took them both out in the car for a drive.  I haven't done that in a while!  My elder was tired out too, the double buggy had been left in the boot of the hubby's car (scatty did you say?), so only my car could accommodate them both for a nap simultaneously. 

It completely messed up the afternoon's plan.  Instead of "quiet time with eldest whilst youngest naps, walk across to local supermarket for nappies, post letters, hand in forms to leisure centre, walk back via park, tea, bath bed".  It become "stressful time having to keep leaving my elder to sort the younger, stressful 30 mins trying to get the car seats back in my car (why they weren't in is a whole other story), weird 90 mins of driving around my local town so they'd sleep, a quick trip into the supermarket, forgot to post letters, no time to hand in forms, no time for park, no time for walk, a quick play in the garden, off to bed".

At 8.30pm tonight though, after trying to settle the younger down for 90 mins, I was seriously regretting letting her sleep in the day at all.  She was screaming as if she was scared to be left.  Very weird, considering that she's always been really good at saying goodnight and falling to sleep after we've left the room.

Hubby had the answer.  He pointed out that sleeping in a cot bed after a cot, was akin to me sleeping out in the middle of the garden after sleeping in my room.  Because, for her, the bars of the cot formed a wall around her, cocooning her. 

So how are we supposed to help her with this one then?  I guess I won't be doing much in the evenings this week!?