I NEED THE TOILET DADDY!

We are at the seaside and my hubby has taken the eldest out to swim in the sea. 

It's a lovely large sandy beach and the water is not particularly deep and it stays so for quite a while, providing a very large area for swimming and splashing and lounging about on lilos (if so inclined) quite safely.  

She, the 6 year old, is swimming with an inflatable ring around her waist for ease.  He's encouraging her to kick her legs and practice her swimming strokes as she's been taking lessons.
 
They've been in the sea a fair while, so it's not entirely unexpected when she says:
 
"I need the toilet, daddy"
 
Daddy does what, let's face it, most daddy's would do when faced with this question at nearly a hundred yards from the shore. He explains, in hushed tones, that it's really alright to go to the toilet out in the sea when you are that far out.  After all; it's all very natural and no-one will ever know.  And of course, it saves him rushing her in to the beach and up to the hotel.
 
A few minutes later she grins and says; "Done it!" and carries on swimming.  
 
Daddy is pleased with his parenting skill so far in, what could have been a taxing situation.
 
They swim some more.
 
And Daddy catches sight of a leaf in the sea.  
 
He thinks it's odd, being so far out, so he looks a little more closely.  
 
It's not a leaf.
 
Daddy wasn't entirely specific enough when he explained what was acceptable in the sea.  In fact he really ought to have explained what was and what wasn't.
 
He quickly moved away from the floating 'leaf' and said to her urgently.
 
"Did you just have a wee wee, dear?"
 
"No daddy" she says, sweet and innocent as pie. "I did a poo poo too" she adds proudly.
 
Parenting skills have taken a blow.  Daddy knows he needs a quick recovery.  Clean up will be required if he has any hope of keeping this minor error a secret. He whispers to her that actually it's not really good form to do 'those' in the sea, and he gets her to quickly whip off her swimsuit so that he can 'clean it out'.  
 
They are a long way out, and there's a lot of space around them, so hopefully no one will notice.
 
He cleans the swimsuit up, scrapping them out with his hands (euuuwww), and pops them back on her and looks around them to check if he's got away with it. 
 
A fellow is floating quite close to them now on a lilo, but other than that, there isn't anyone particularly close by.  

He thinks they've got away with it.
 
That is until he spies, out of the corner of his eyes, the man on the lilo suddenly flinch, and start back-peddling quickly in the opposite direction.
 
I guess the 'leaf' was heading his way......
 

I am lucky to have such an honest husband that, in the interests of providing bloggable material he felt he really couldn't keep this secret, well, a secret.

Topless water slides anyone?

The summer is supposedly upon us; it is June after all; and if you are packing your cases for your summer holidays you'll no doubt be packing a bikini, or a tankini, or a swimsuit (bather, cossie) in the hope that there will be good weather to be had.

Those of you who are going on holidays sans children may well be packing these items with only a view to whether you have this season's trend or not.  You may be considering how much, or how little, skin they cover depending on how comfortable you are with your body.
  
But, unless you are still in your twenties and going on an activity holiday with friends, the chances are you haven't packed your swimwear with consideration as to what type of water slide they may be subjected to.

If you do have children you may suddenly find yourself, 10 years after last plummeting down a ridiculously designed water slide into water that really needs a kettle or two of boiling water adding to it, sat at the top of one such slide in a swimsuit that you fear may not cut the mustard; so to speak.

You see, women's beach wear isn't designed for water slides.  More formal women's swimwear might be; the sort of all-in-one swimsuit that the Olympic competitors may wear.  That kind of swimsuit would withstand anything you throw at it.  But, do you really want to be sat, by the pool, in hotter climes, next to the skinniest, tanned, bikini clad 18 year old, with your all-in-one Adidas piece on?  I would humbly suggest not.

So what to do? 

Freya do a good line in tankinis that incorporate 'proper' bras in them (with adjustable fastenings and everything).  These supply good support when hurtling downhill at speed.  Similarly, Figleaves do structured, under wired, all in ones that are flattering and won't be mistaken for competition cast offs.  They also have 20% off at the moment.  Just enter TWENTY at the check out.

What you can't rely on are the usual basic bikinis that grace the pages of every fashion magazine every spring.

That is, unless you are deliberately expecting to arrive at the bottom of that chute with breasts on show for all to enjoy.  If that's the case, then fine, go buy in complete freedom.  If not, elastic, structure and under wiring are your best friends, allowing you to not be 'that' embarrassing mother!  Been there.  Done that.