I cannot reiterate this enough. Grandma is a genius. Cheeky Monkey No 2 is now happily waving us goodnight each evening and settling herself down to sleep in her cot. See my previous post for the method. Sleep & how to keep your bed to yourself
She occasionally still wakes up in the night. But it's not guaranteed and she will, if returned to bed in the calm way described (without talking) simply go straight back to sleep (even at 5am in the morning, and that's a first!) She's 26 months old.
And so I am at that lovely point. The one where you feel that you've solved a parenting dilemma. That you can actually do this parenting lark. And fairly well, actually. That staying up past 10pm is now a long distant dream that has returned to your world. You want your evenings back. You relax. You think you can stay up until, dare I say it, closer to 11pm, and still wake up vaguely human at 6am the next morning.
That is until the next saga. Which will no doubt hit me tonight (cynic, nah!) now I've mentioned it. Because, you see, parenting successes are fleeting. You win one, you move on to the next one. Challenge after challenge, day after day. Knowing that, however little sleep you've had, however demoralised, uncertain, lost, confused, angry, exhausted, drained, worn out; you are still happy, in love, proud, certain, amazed, stunned, excited, gleeful, and ready to face the challenge. For in no other job are the rewards so great. Just one smile, one hug, one "I love you mummy", and I'm back. Back in the game.
Now what time did that film finish? Midnight? No problem!?
Wednesday, 17 November 2010
Friday, 5 November 2010
British Summer Time? Honestly, Mr Willett?
Grandma can still be smug (see previous post). Cheeky Monkey No. 2 is now settling to sleep herself happily after waving goodnight to me. Brilliant.
However; I am not at all happy with a certain William Willett (1857 - 1915), who, when he had the bright idea of creating British Summer Time, clearly didn't have two toddlers in his house.
We have had 4.30am wake-ups every morning this week, after the clock change over last Sunday.
4.30am! That's just ridiculous-o-clock. No wonder I am obsessed with sleep.
However; I am not at all happy with a certain William Willett (1857 - 1915), who, when he had the bright idea of creating British Summer Time, clearly didn't have two toddlers in his house.
We have had 4.30am wake-ups every morning this week, after the clock change over last Sunday.
4.30am! That's just ridiculous-o-clock. No wonder I am obsessed with sleep.
Tuesday, 2 November 2010
Parenting advice...Sleep & how to keep your bed to yourself!
"MUMMY!" she shouts, "COME BACK". Pause... She's waiting for a reaction. Doesn't get one for a few seconds - I can't move that fast. "COME BACK ANOTHER DAY".......
Cheeky Monkey No 2's favourite song at the moment is "Rain, rain go away....come back another day". Her favourite game tonight.... not staying in bed.
This was last weekend. It was the second night of my implementation of 'Project Grandma-knows-best'. Regular readers will know that CM No 2 has been testing us since we converted her cot into a cot bed. She used to happily go into her cot, wave goodnight and snuggle down to sleep on her own. She'd been doing this most of her second year. But once she hit 2 yrs, the bed conversion happened, and; whether it was the freedom she suddenly had to get out of bed, or the lack of comforting bars around her; she did not want to settle to sleep on her own.
With our first child, Cheeky Monkey No 1 (now 4 yrs), we had always been very strict about sleeping in your own bed and not in Mummy and Daddy's bed! And we had used the Controlled crying technique when we went through a similar stage with her. Successfully (albeit stressfully).
But with CM No 2, controlled crying is less of an option, when she's disturbing her big sister's sleep too. So we'd tried sitting with or lying next to her until she went to sleep. Fine when she's exhausted and drops immediately. Less fun when she's more awake, and every time you try and creep out of the room she wakes up again.
When she started waking in the night as well, and wanting us to lie with her again then, we realised we'd fallen into the trap of 'sleep associations'. She now couldn't settle to sleep without us there. Much to our own surprise, on two occasions we even ended up bringing her into our bed with us at 3am, when we were all just desperate for sleep. We realised we had to stop that, and fast, so we went back to a pattern of lying next to her until she dropped off, then creeping out of the room. Hardly ideal when you're having to do it a few times a night.
In steps Grandma. The girls went to stay with Grandma for a weekend, and Grandma tested a new bedtime routine of her own devising. Firstly; she sang a lullaby to them both whilst CM No 1 lay tucked up in bed, and CM No 2 sat on Grandma's knee by the bed. With CM No 1 very good at going to sleep during her lullaby already (and happy to say goodnight if she isn't), Grandma then took CM No 2 into her bedroom and commenced Project Grandma-knows-best.
She tucked her into bed. Gave her a kiss. Said goodnight. and left the room immediately, leaving the door fully open.
Of course we all know exactly what happened next. CM No 2 screamed and ran to the child gate on her bedroom door. But whilst I might have tried this and gone downstairs, leaving her a minute before returning, and then leaving ever increasing intervals (the controlled crying method) Grandma waited just outside the door, unseen until CM No 2 reached the doorway. And as soon as CM No 2 saw her, she stopped screaming and went quiet. This was new. Grandma went into the room, tucked her back in, gave her a kiss. And did not say a word. She then immediately left the room again.
CM No 2 jumped up and ran to the door (no screaming). Saw Grandma was still there. Grandma pointed to her cot, and walked into the room. CM No 2 climbed back into bed, was tucked back in, given a kiss and, without a word spoken, Grandma left the room again.
Over and over this little dance played out. Grandma tells me she returned her to bed over 40 times. It took about an hour, during which CM No 2 crucially didn't cry, (always nice, and better for everyones' stress levels), and during which Grandma never said a word. Finally CM No 2 climbed into bed, and didn't get back out.
The next night Grandma repeated the technique. And in half an hour, without crying, and with no talking after that first tucking in, she was asleep in bed.
Of course then she came home and it was our turn. I followed the instructions to the letter, and it took around 40 minutes the first night.
The next night she was less tired, having had a long nap in the day. She paraded backwards and forwards through her bedroom, muttering to herself, singing songs, and shouting if, on the odd occasion, she got to the door and I wasn't there (I'd popped to check on her sister). The shouting wasn't angry, or stressful, she was just shouting for me to "Come Back", and combining her favourite song in the process. That night took longer (just over an hour), and the hardest thing was not laughing at the funny walks and singing - keeping a serious (not angry) face. It made a change from the stressful bedtimes where I've returned her to bed so many times, with her crying because I've left her a few minutes at a time, and where everyone has just got more and more stressed until she's basically fallen to sleep of exhaustion.
And so, 10 days on, and we've had 2 nights where she hasn't got out of bed once at bedtime, and has gone straight back to bed and stayed there when I've repeated the technique during nighttime wakings.
Tonight I had to return her maybe 8 times. But it only took 10 minutes.
And so, Grandma definitely knows best. She's not smug at all! She says it works because you are sending a message that it's not playtime, that there will be no conversation about it. That the only thing that is going to happen is that the child is going to get back into bed and be tucked in. And that's it. And you are doing this whilst also sending the message that you are then going to leave the room. But reassuringly are only just outside. And every time they come to shout, you are there, but will simply gently, but firmly, tuck them back in bed. It's a strong message because it's done through body language, and isn't clouded by talking. Talking which, if you are tired, stressed or angry, would show in your voice and upset the child more, no matter what words you said.
Maybe we'll call it Grandma's technique. It works. Try it for a week and see the progress. But remember - serious face. No laughing!
Cheeky Monkey No 2's favourite song at the moment is "Rain, rain go away....come back another day". Her favourite game tonight.... not staying in bed.
This was last weekend. It was the second night of my implementation of 'Project Grandma-knows-best'. Regular readers will know that CM No 2 has been testing us since we converted her cot into a cot bed. She used to happily go into her cot, wave goodnight and snuggle down to sleep on her own. She'd been doing this most of her second year. But once she hit 2 yrs, the bed conversion happened, and; whether it was the freedom she suddenly had to get out of bed, or the lack of comforting bars around her; she did not want to settle to sleep on her own.
With our first child, Cheeky Monkey No 1 (now 4 yrs), we had always been very strict about sleeping in your own bed and not in Mummy and Daddy's bed! And we had used the Controlled crying technique when we went through a similar stage with her. Successfully (albeit stressfully).
But with CM No 2, controlled crying is less of an option, when she's disturbing her big sister's sleep too. So we'd tried sitting with or lying next to her until she went to sleep. Fine when she's exhausted and drops immediately. Less fun when she's more awake, and every time you try and creep out of the room she wakes up again.
When she started waking in the night as well, and wanting us to lie with her again then, we realised we'd fallen into the trap of 'sleep associations'. She now couldn't settle to sleep without us there. Much to our own surprise, on two occasions we even ended up bringing her into our bed with us at 3am, when we were all just desperate for sleep. We realised we had to stop that, and fast, so we went back to a pattern of lying next to her until she dropped off, then creeping out of the room. Hardly ideal when you're having to do it a few times a night.
In steps Grandma. The girls went to stay with Grandma for a weekend, and Grandma tested a new bedtime routine of her own devising. Firstly; she sang a lullaby to them both whilst CM No 1 lay tucked up in bed, and CM No 2 sat on Grandma's knee by the bed. With CM No 1 very good at going to sleep during her lullaby already (and happy to say goodnight if she isn't), Grandma then took CM No 2 into her bedroom and commenced Project Grandma-knows-best.
She tucked her into bed. Gave her a kiss. Said goodnight. and left the room immediately, leaving the door fully open.
Of course we all know exactly what happened next. CM No 2 screamed and ran to the child gate on her bedroom door. But whilst I might have tried this and gone downstairs, leaving her a minute before returning, and then leaving ever increasing intervals (the controlled crying method) Grandma waited just outside the door, unseen until CM No 2 reached the doorway. And as soon as CM No 2 saw her, she stopped screaming and went quiet. This was new. Grandma went into the room, tucked her back in, gave her a kiss. And did not say a word. She then immediately left the room again.
CM No 2 jumped up and ran to the door (no screaming). Saw Grandma was still there. Grandma pointed to her cot, and walked into the room. CM No 2 climbed back into bed, was tucked back in, given a kiss and, without a word spoken, Grandma left the room again.
Over and over this little dance played out. Grandma tells me she returned her to bed over 40 times. It took about an hour, during which CM No 2 crucially didn't cry, (always nice, and better for everyones' stress levels), and during which Grandma never said a word. Finally CM No 2 climbed into bed, and didn't get back out.
The next night Grandma repeated the technique. And in half an hour, without crying, and with no talking after that first tucking in, she was asleep in bed.
Of course then she came home and it was our turn. I followed the instructions to the letter, and it took around 40 minutes the first night.
The next night she was less tired, having had a long nap in the day. She paraded backwards and forwards through her bedroom, muttering to herself, singing songs, and shouting if, on the odd occasion, she got to the door and I wasn't there (I'd popped to check on her sister). The shouting wasn't angry, or stressful, she was just shouting for me to "Come Back", and combining her favourite song in the process. That night took longer (just over an hour), and the hardest thing was not laughing at the funny walks and singing - keeping a serious (not angry) face. It made a change from the stressful bedtimes where I've returned her to bed so many times, with her crying because I've left her a few minutes at a time, and where everyone has just got more and more stressed until she's basically fallen to sleep of exhaustion.
And so, 10 days on, and we've had 2 nights where she hasn't got out of bed once at bedtime, and has gone straight back to bed and stayed there when I've repeated the technique during nighttime wakings.
Tonight I had to return her maybe 8 times. But it only took 10 minutes.
And so, Grandma definitely knows best. She's not smug at all! She says it works because you are sending a message that it's not playtime, that there will be no conversation about it. That the only thing that is going to happen is that the child is going to get back into bed and be tucked in. And that's it. And you are doing this whilst also sending the message that you are then going to leave the room. But reassuringly are only just outside. And every time they come to shout, you are there, but will simply gently, but firmly, tuck them back in bed. It's a strong message because it's done through body language, and isn't clouded by talking. Talking which, if you are tired, stressed or angry, would show in your voice and upset the child more, no matter what words you said.
Maybe we'll call it Grandma's technique. It works. Try it for a week and see the progress. But remember - serious face. No laughing!
Saturday, 23 October 2010
Wedding Shoes.... and shopping with the Cheeky Monkeys!
Firstly I would like to apologise for my disappearance for the last 10 days. I have been involved in one of those seemingly neverending whirlwinds of work, chores, notenoughsleep, food shopping, cooking, Christmas shopping, eating, work, chores.....
And, more excitingly, in the middle of it all, my sister got married this week. My 2 girls were both bridesmaids (oh my, could they be any cuter?!) And I was the Matron of Honour. Luckily I have a very good relationship with my sister, meaning that she didn't feel the need to publicly embarrass me by insisting I wear some hideous bridesmaid blamange. Since, as previous posts would no doubt have suggested, I am somewhat lacking in sartorial elegance, I therefore had to have more than one shopping trip with both my sister and my mum, in which a variety of dresses, from traditional tent, to modern mini, were tried on. It was great fun and we found a beautiful navy empire line that looked divine. My problem was then obvious. Shoes.
Since we've established I have a large collection of shoes, it came as a surprise to discover that I had nothing, and I do mean nothing, that would go with this dress. Navy shoes don't particularly feature in my wardrobe, and the one pair that I did have were summer wedges. It just didn't work. So I went on more shopping trips, one particular Saturday trying on every Navy pair of shoes that the shops in Meadowhall stock. And as, inevitably is the case in this modern world, I gave up and ended up buying a pair on ebay for £11.
So. It's the week before the wedding. I've had my final dress fitting, and so the length of the dress is now based on my new shoes. The Bride seems relaxed. Everything is all ready. I decide to pop my new shoes on, to try them out. Wear them in a bit.
They rub my feet.
Not a lot. But they do. Panic sets in. I don't know what to do. So I end up dragging my long-suffering hubby and both children for a trip to Meadowhall (A shopping mall in the Midlands) on a Sunday afternoon. In October. When the Students are back and Christmas shopping has started in earnest. It's packed. 5 shops in, and Cheeky Monkey No. 1 is flagging. 2 hours later, just as I decide to give up (hubby has suggested I wear the ebay shoes for the ceremony and pictures, and then quickly swop them for my sliver dancing shoes, and the plan, seen in light of the grumpy faces of my family, seems sound) I spotted New Look and, though Meadowhall New Look is not where you go if you want customer service (most of the staff there are under 18 and clearly not in the slightest bit interested in the customer's needs above their need to gossip) I decided to give it a chance.
Turns out they had more than one pair in the Navy I wanted, lots that were two high, and 2 pairs that looked like they might just do the trick. One of which they didn't have in my size, and the other was a 'wider fit' pair. I bought the latter (can't go wrong for £20) figuring that, for one day, I'd prefer a 'wider fit' than a blister-covered heel.
I guess it wouldn't be me if there wasn't some sort of clothing dilemma! I ended up swopping the New Look shoes for my silver dancing shoes after the photos anyway....That wider-fit made them too loose.
So what's the tip here then? I guess it's simple. Never, ever, wear new shoes for a wedding, unless they are Rainbow shoes (specifically designed for weddings - very very very comfortable). And certainly don't wear £11 or £20 shoes without wearing them alot before hand.
And never, ever, drag your family round the shops when there's pressure to find the perfect item. It's not good for anyone.
It seems that parenting, more often than not, boils down to 'organisation' and 'preparation'. Plan it. Plan it early. Because you just don't have the luxury of time on your side.
P.S. The Bride looked absolutely beautiful. Congratulations!
And, more excitingly, in the middle of it all, my sister got married this week. My 2 girls were both bridesmaids (oh my, could they be any cuter?!) And I was the Matron of Honour. Luckily I have a very good relationship with my sister, meaning that she didn't feel the need to publicly embarrass me by insisting I wear some hideous bridesmaid blamange. Since, as previous posts would no doubt have suggested, I am somewhat lacking in sartorial elegance, I therefore had to have more than one shopping trip with both my sister and my mum, in which a variety of dresses, from traditional tent, to modern mini, were tried on. It was great fun and we found a beautiful navy empire line that looked divine. My problem was then obvious. Shoes.
Since we've established I have a large collection of shoes, it came as a surprise to discover that I had nothing, and I do mean nothing, that would go with this dress. Navy shoes don't particularly feature in my wardrobe, and the one pair that I did have were summer wedges. It just didn't work. So I went on more shopping trips, one particular Saturday trying on every Navy pair of shoes that the shops in Meadowhall stock. And as, inevitably is the case in this modern world, I gave up and ended up buying a pair on ebay for £11.
So. It's the week before the wedding. I've had my final dress fitting, and so the length of the dress is now based on my new shoes. The Bride seems relaxed. Everything is all ready. I decide to pop my new shoes on, to try them out. Wear them in a bit.
They rub my feet.
Not a lot. But they do. Panic sets in. I don't know what to do. So I end up dragging my long-suffering hubby and both children for a trip to Meadowhall (A shopping mall in the Midlands) on a Sunday afternoon. In October. When the Students are back and Christmas shopping has started in earnest. It's packed. 5 shops in, and Cheeky Monkey No. 1 is flagging. 2 hours later, just as I decide to give up (hubby has suggested I wear the ebay shoes for the ceremony and pictures, and then quickly swop them for my sliver dancing shoes, and the plan, seen in light of the grumpy faces of my family, seems sound) I spotted New Look and, though Meadowhall New Look is not where you go if you want customer service (most of the staff there are under 18 and clearly not in the slightest bit interested in the customer's needs above their need to gossip) I decided to give it a chance.
Turns out they had more than one pair in the Navy I wanted, lots that were two high, and 2 pairs that looked like they might just do the trick. One of which they didn't have in my size, and the other was a 'wider fit' pair. I bought the latter (can't go wrong for £20) figuring that, for one day, I'd prefer a 'wider fit' than a blister-covered heel.
I guess it wouldn't be me if there wasn't some sort of clothing dilemma! I ended up swopping the New Look shoes for my silver dancing shoes after the photos anyway....That wider-fit made them too loose.
So what's the tip here then? I guess it's simple. Never, ever, wear new shoes for a wedding, unless they are Rainbow shoes (specifically designed for weddings - very very very comfortable). And certainly don't wear £11 or £20 shoes without wearing them alot before hand.
And never, ever, drag your family round the shops when there's pressure to find the perfect item. It's not good for anyone.
It seems that parenting, more often than not, boils down to 'organisation' and 'preparation'. Plan it. Plan it early. Because you just don't have the luxury of time on your side.
P.S. The Bride looked absolutely beautiful. Congratulations!
Monday, 11 October 2010
How to get some sleep?
Oh, if only I knew!?
If only there was one, straightforward, ready answer, to getting a little shut eye when you have two young children in the house.
Remember my previous posts about Cheeky Monkey No 2's transfer from a cot to a cot bed? She seemed to be getting better, in so far as she'd occasionally sleep through from 7.30pm until 5.30am. But there has been no consistency. Some nights she'll protest simply about going to bed and will ask us to lie in her room with her for a little bit. She's only just turned two, but it's incredible how many words they can string together when they want something specific!
And now we seem to be getting woken at around 3am. And I do not exaggerate even in the slightest when I say that we are not just 'woken', but are 'thrown forcibly out of the snug bliss of dreamland only to land with a bump into a world devoid of any noise other than a blood curdling scream.'
I think I could cope better if she was rousing in the night and mumbling to herself. Or even calling out my name to get a cuddle to help her go back to sleep. But no. What we get instead is complete silence followed one second later by 'SCREAMING!!'
As you can imagine, I leap out of bed in shock. Stumble through to her room as fast as I can, bearing in mind my lack of consciousness, trying desperately not to walk into doors, trip over the child gate, or trip over her. I gently walk her back to bed, tuck her in; she goes quiet pretty quickly if I lie down on the floor next to her; and she's asleep again within roughly 15 minutes of lying quietly.
So what's that all about!?
I'm hoping, with fingers and toes crossed, that she is simply teething. That the nappy rash and runny nose are actually symptomatic rather than random coincidence. And that those four back teeth will arrive soon and help to stop the night waking.
I'm hoping. My concealer's good, but it won't be up to the job of covering those bags soon.
If only there was one, straightforward, ready answer, to getting a little shut eye when you have two young children in the house.
Remember my previous posts about Cheeky Monkey No 2's transfer from a cot to a cot bed? She seemed to be getting better, in so far as she'd occasionally sleep through from 7.30pm until 5.30am. But there has been no consistency. Some nights she'll protest simply about going to bed and will ask us to lie in her room with her for a little bit. She's only just turned two, but it's incredible how many words they can string together when they want something specific!
And now we seem to be getting woken at around 3am. And I do not exaggerate even in the slightest when I say that we are not just 'woken', but are 'thrown forcibly out of the snug bliss of dreamland only to land with a bump into a world devoid of any noise other than a blood curdling scream.'
I think I could cope better if she was rousing in the night and mumbling to herself. Or even calling out my name to get a cuddle to help her go back to sleep. But no. What we get instead is complete silence followed one second later by 'SCREAMING!!'
As you can imagine, I leap out of bed in shock. Stumble through to her room as fast as I can, bearing in mind my lack of consciousness, trying desperately not to walk into doors, trip over the child gate, or trip over her. I gently walk her back to bed, tuck her in; she goes quiet pretty quickly if I lie down on the floor next to her; and she's asleep again within roughly 15 minutes of lying quietly.
So what's that all about!?
I'm hoping, with fingers and toes crossed, that she is simply teething. That the nappy rash and runny nose are actually symptomatic rather than random coincidence. And that those four back teeth will arrive soon and help to stop the night waking.
I'm hoping. My concealer's good, but it won't be up to the job of covering those bags soon.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)