Hitting 50 - my experience and indigence!

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This year I hit 50.  No, I haven't done everything on my mental bucket list.  No, I didn't suddenly put on a couple of stone; I'd already been working at that through my 40s!  No, I don't feel old.  Yes, I still think the 1980s were 20 years ago.

What I do feel, is indignant.  

Indignant that I suddenly got to 50, and the world is insisting on telling me I'm now on the downward slope.  My body is supposedly going to start falling apart, my brain failing.  I'll have less energy.  I'll need to exercise more just to keep my weight stable because my metabolism is going to have a strop.  Just when I feel more like a woman again, now that the kids are officially adults, my body is going to make feeling sexy much more difficult, with gravity affecting skin, boobs, you name it.... That's what the world is telling me.  As if hormonal teenage-dom, giving birth, post-birth, years of carrying young children around, losing weight, putting on weight and perimenopause weren't enough, you can't even let me just have my body stable for at least a bit of time before it's collapsing?

Indignant that, whilst it great that every is now talking about the menopause, every company under the sun is now trying to sell me something on the basis that 'it's good for menopause.  Really?  Done year's worth of research and trials on females going through the menopause have you?  Squeezed those in fast after Davina woke us all up and encouraged us to ask for help. Yes I know it's better to have lots of options than none.  But it would have been nice to not try and exploit menopause as a commercial opportunity quite so rapidly. 

Indignant that, I suddenly feel comfortable and confident in myself, just when my body is starting to fight back.  Just when I want to get back in the heels and the sexy underwear, I'm realising that yes, they're right, my body does suddenly seem to need more care.  Jane Fonda videos are still in use, but the regularity of exercise has had to increase rapidly!  I'm getting through moisturiser at quite a pace, but my cheeks seem to have lowered and my boobs... definitely struggling. (too much info? :-) )

Indignant that I've found my voice and my stubborn refusal to be 'seen' and 'heard' now, and not year's ago.  Why did it take me so long to see my own value, understand my own worth, and stop putting up with ridiculousness? Those that know me may be surprised by this one.  I thought I was confident, but I was still battling doubt over ability and worth.  Only now do I really understand I am what I am, and it's fabulous, and I have amazing skills and experience and knowledge, that if others don't want to benefit from or listen to, that's their problem not mine.  

Hitting 50 for me was a surprise.  By that I mean I didn't expect to feel any different.  I hadn't at any other birthday.  But this one felt different.  And whether it's just coincidentally where I'm at on my aging/menopause journey that happens to coincide with 50, or whether there's a psychosomatic thing going on here, I don't now.  What I do know is; I'm owning it.  So could you.  

We are each individual, special, unique and amazing humans.  Stop putting yourself down, stop expecting too much of yourself, or allowing others to dictate what you should or shouldn't do.  Be proud of your skills, your knowledge and your experience of life.  Know that others can learn from you.  If you want to stay inside and read books, then do it.  If you fancy getting dressed up and going out for afternoon tea on your own, do it.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not about to go out and do things that would harm others.  But I'm more attuned to what harm really is and what it isn't now.  Compromising on a weekends activity so that I can do things that both my family and I enjoy; well that's brilliant, I'm part of a family after all, and in a community we compromise to work together and enjoy activities together.  Not going to a street dance class because a family member scoffs and says I'm too old, pah! Rubbish. I'll go to any classes I like.  If you don't like it, that's not my emotion to take responsibility for.

How has 50 felt for you? Feel free to drop me a line in the comments and share your experiences.