|River Island Linen Trousers|
The explosion is a direct result of the kindling provided by white linen trousers. White linen see-through trousers.
If you own a pair of these apparent summer staples then I have a very important public service announcement for you: please be informed: they are ALL see through. Don't be fooled. They might look OK in the store, or even at home, but get outside in the bright sunshine and they disappear to nothing.
I don't understand why anyone buys these trousers. Let me tell you what others are thinking when they see you wearing them.
"Oh look. White linen trousers. I bet they are see through. I'll take a look." Peers surreptitiously at the wearers bottom. "Ahh, I can't see any VPL. They've avoided that faux pas. Good for them. But how? Hmmm." Stares some more. "I can't see any tell tale signs of a tiny g-string at the base of the spine. They must be going pantless. Eeuuuuwww." The wearer happens to turn around. "Eeeekkkkk, quick keep your eyes up, up, do not, I repeat, do not look at her crotch."
The end results of this appraisal are all just as horrific as each other. Let me explain
Either we've looked and established you are wearing pants and the VPL is visible to all and therefore I know what underwear you are wearing; or you are wearing pants that are tiny enough to avoid most VPL and therefore I know what underwear you are wearing; or you are not wearing pants and I know that you are not wearing pants and in some cases whether you prefer a Brazilian or not. I repeat: Eeeeeuuuuuwwww. In all cases I seriously do not want to know what underwear you are, or are not, wearing; and I certainly don't want to know your hair removal habits.
The current explosion needs to stop, and to stop soon, before I start going up to random white trouser wearers in the street and telling them how it is. I don't want to turn into some crazy woman raving about underwear in the middle of Jubilee Weekend celebrations.
So please, please, please stop wearing them.
And please, you fashion designers you, STOP MAKING THEM!
* That's knickers, not trousers, just to be clear.