I'm sorry. Really sorry. But today it's all about Britmums Live 2012. I am on the train, feeling very geeky with my mobile providing me with a lovely WI-FI hotspot listening to increasingly drunk men starting their London-bound hen party early and drinking coffee. I'm drinking coffee; they are drinking Tetleys. How Northern are well?
The lovely Amanda Ashton is sitting with me, trying to keep up with the increasing speed of the #britmumslive tag on Twitter.
We are getting increasingly giddy, excited and nervous all at the same time. I am about to come face to face with a whole batch of bloggers that I've never met before but have chatted with on-line. I just hope I don't scare them off.
I've managed to get my hair re-coloured (no roots today - so it's not exactly a realistic picture they are getting!) and I've even had a manicure. I am pulling out all the stops here!
Managed to forget the hair dryer though, so I just hope I don't look too scarecrow-like tomorrow morning.
Hi to everyone that is traveling down (or indeed up) the country (or indeed world) to converge on London. See you all there!
Friday, 22 June 2012
Wednesday, 13 June 2012
I NEED THE TOILET DADDY!
It's a lovely large sandy beach and the water is not particularly deep and it stays so for quite a while, providing a very large area for swimming and splashing and lounging about on lilos (if so inclined) quite safely.
She, the 6 year old, is swimming with an inflatable ring around her waist for ease. He's encouraging her to kick her legs and practice her swimming strokes as she's been taking lessons.
They've been in the sea a fair while, so it's not entirely unexpected when she says:
"I need the toilet, daddy"
Daddy does what, let's face it, most daddy's would do when faced with this question at nearly a hundred yards from the shore. He explains, in hushed tones, that it's really alright to go to the toilet out in the sea when you are that far out. After all; it's all very natural and no-one will ever know. And of course, it saves him rushing her in to the beach and up to the hotel.
A few minutes later she grins and says; "Done it!" and carries on swimming.
Daddy is pleased with his parenting skill so far in, what could have been a taxing situation.
They swim some more.
And Daddy catches sight of a leaf in the sea.
He thinks it's odd, being so far out, so he looks a little more closely.
It's not a leaf.
Daddy wasn't entirely specific enough when he explained what was acceptable in the sea. In fact he really ought to have explained what was and what wasn't.
He quickly moved away from the floating 'leaf' and said to her urgently.
"Did you just have a wee wee, dear?"
"No daddy" she says, sweet and innocent as pie. "I did a poo poo too" she adds proudly.
Parenting skills have taken a blow. Daddy knows he needs a quick recovery. Clean up will be required if he has any hope of keeping this minor error a secret. He whispers to her that actually it's not really good form to do 'those' in the sea, and he gets her to quickly whip off her swimsuit so that he can 'clean it out'.
They are a long way out, and there's a lot of space around them, so hopefully no one will notice.
He cleans the swimsuit up, scrapping them out with his hands (euuuwww), and pops them back on her and looks around them to check if he's got away with it.
A fellow is floating quite close to them now on a lilo, but other than that, there isn't anyone particularly close by.
He thinks they've got away with it.
That is until he spies, out of the corner of his eyes, the man on the lilo suddenly flinch, and start back-peddling quickly in the opposite direction.
I guess the 'leaf' was heading his way......
I am lucky to have such an honest husband that, in the interests of providing bloggable material he felt he really couldn't keep this secret, well, a secret.
Sunday, 10 June 2012
Topless water slides anyone?
The summer is supposedly upon us; it is June after all; and if you are packing your cases for your summer holidays you'll no doubt be packing a bikini, or a tankini, or a swimsuit (bather, cossie) in the hope that there will be good weather to be had.
Those of you who are going on holidays sans children may well be packing these items with only a view to whether you have this season's trend or not. You may be considering how much, or how little, skin they cover depending on how comfortable you are with your body.
But, unless you are still in your twenties and going on an activity holiday with friends, the chances are you haven't packed your swimwear with consideration as to what type of water slide they may be subjected to.
If you do have children you may suddenly find yourself, 10 years after last plummeting down a ridiculously designed water slide into water that really needs a kettle or two of boiling water adding to it, sat at the top of one such slide in a swimsuit that you fear may not cut the mustard; so to speak.
You see, women's beach wear isn't designed for water slides. More formal women's swimwear might be; the sort of all-in-one swimsuit that the Olympic competitors may wear. That kind of swimsuit would withstand anything you throw at it. But, do you really want to be sat, by the pool, in hotter climes, next to the skinniest, tanned, bikini clad 18 year old, with your all-in-one Adidas piece on? I would humbly suggest not.
So what to do?
Freya do a good line in tankinis that incorporate 'proper' bras in them (with adjustable fastenings and everything). These supply good support when hurtling downhill at speed. Similarly, Figleaves do structured, under wired, all in ones that are flattering and won't be mistaken for competition cast offs. They also have 20% off at the moment. Just enter TWENTY at the check out.
What you can't rely on are the usual basic bikinis that grace the pages of every fashion magazine every spring.
That is, unless you are deliberately expecting to arrive at the bottom of that chute with breasts on show for all to enjoy. If that's the case, then fine, go buy in complete freedom. If not, elastic, structure and under wiring are your best friends, allowing you to not be 'that' embarrassing mother! Been there. Done that.
Those of you who are going on holidays sans children may well be packing these items with only a view to whether you have this season's trend or not. You may be considering how much, or how little, skin they cover depending on how comfortable you are with your body.
But, unless you are still in your twenties and going on an activity holiday with friends, the chances are you haven't packed your swimwear with consideration as to what type of water slide they may be subjected to.
If you do have children you may suddenly find yourself, 10 years after last plummeting down a ridiculously designed water slide into water that really needs a kettle or two of boiling water adding to it, sat at the top of one such slide in a swimsuit that you fear may not cut the mustard; so to speak.
You see, women's beach wear isn't designed for water slides. More formal women's swimwear might be; the sort of all-in-one swimsuit that the Olympic competitors may wear. That kind of swimsuit would withstand anything you throw at it. But, do you really want to be sat, by the pool, in hotter climes, next to the skinniest, tanned, bikini clad 18 year old, with your all-in-one Adidas piece on? I would humbly suggest not.
So what to do?
Freya do a good line in tankinis that incorporate 'proper' bras in them (with adjustable fastenings and everything). These supply good support when hurtling downhill at speed. Similarly, Figleaves do structured, under wired, all in ones that are flattering and won't be mistaken for competition cast offs. They also have 20% off at the moment. Just enter TWENTY at the check out.
What you can't rely on are the usual basic bikinis that grace the pages of every fashion magazine every spring.
That is, unless you are deliberately expecting to arrive at the bottom of that chute with breasts on show for all to enjoy. If that's the case, then fine, go buy in complete freedom. If not, elastic, structure and under wiring are your best friends, allowing you to not be 'that' embarrassing mother! Been there. Done that.
Wednesday, 6 June 2012
School Uniform: Prude or Slut?
Picture the scene; school is letting out. It's a hot, barmy, unexpected and therefore much talked about random summer's day in England. The children are all without coats, but clad in the usual black skirts or trousers and white school shirts. It's a secondary school and a uniform is compulsory for those in Year 7 through to 11. (That's ages 11 to 16)
I pull up in my car at the pelican crossing outside this particular school as they are milling about. Some cross the road in front of me, but my eyes are drawn to a group of girls on the pavement to my right. They are all wearing the required black skirts, obviously with bare legs (did I mention the weather?) and I am struck by the shortness of the skirts.
Don't be daft I tell myself, thinking they probably just 'look' short because I'm all old and unfashionable and couldn't get away with that length anymore. But then I notice that I can see one of the girl's bum cheek peeking out from underneath her skirt.
Yes. You read that correctly. Bum cheek.
Go on. Now tell me I'm a prude. It's not just that I could see this that bothered me. It's that every person passing, whether walking or driving, could see this; and not everyone out there is 'safe'. What do I mean? You know exactly what I mean. Let's not be naive. You can argue all you like that it shouldn't matter what you dress your children in. Yes, since they are under 16 these are still children we are talking about. But it does matter. It really does.
In the 80s the rule was knee-length. If you could see all your knees the skirt was too short and you got a letter to send home. I wonder what, if anything, this school did about this particular skirt. On the evidence of the skirts surrounding her, not one more than about an inch lower in length, probably not a lot.
If there are any teachers out there reading this; I'd be interested to know your thoughts. What are the rules these days? If any? Do you agree with them? Or not? Why?
It seems that everyone wants me to know what, if any underwear they are wearing this summer, doesn't it. Can you avoid VPL this summer?
I pull up in my car at the pelican crossing outside this particular school as they are milling about. Some cross the road in front of me, but my eyes are drawn to a group of girls on the pavement to my right. They are all wearing the required black skirts, obviously with bare legs (did I mention the weather?) and I am struck by the shortness of the skirts.
Don't be daft I tell myself, thinking they probably just 'look' short because I'm all old and unfashionable and couldn't get away with that length anymore. But then I notice that I can see one of the girl's bum cheek peeking out from underneath her skirt.
Yes. You read that correctly. Bum cheek.
Go on. Now tell me I'm a prude. It's not just that I could see this that bothered me. It's that every person passing, whether walking or driving, could see this; and not everyone out there is 'safe'. What do I mean? You know exactly what I mean. Let's not be naive. You can argue all you like that it shouldn't matter what you dress your children in. Yes, since they are under 16 these are still children we are talking about. But it does matter. It really does.
In the 80s the rule was knee-length. If you could see all your knees the skirt was too short and you got a letter to send home. I wonder what, if anything, this school did about this particular skirt. On the evidence of the skirts surrounding her, not one more than about an inch lower in length, probably not a lot.
If there are any teachers out there reading this; I'd be interested to know your thoughts. What are the rules these days? If any? Do you agree with them? Or not? Why?
It seems that everyone wants me to know what, if any underwear they are wearing this summer, doesn't it. Can you avoid VPL this summer?
Monday, 4 June 2012
Out of the mouths of babes (June 2012)
This weekend my daughter, 6 years old, was watching the Diamond Jubilee Pageant on the television. The Queen hadn't yet arrived and my daughter was getting a little frustrated and bored watching all the other Royals arrive and take what seemed like forever to get on the boat.
"Where's the Queen, mummy?" she asked
"I'm not sure darling" I responded.
"I know." She said. "She's late".
"I don't think she is love."
"Yes she is, mummy. She probably needed a poo poo."
Children are so brilliantly literal and marvellously insightful! If you have a blog, post your story and link it up here using the instructions below. If not; simply sit back, grab a cuppa, and enjoy the growing list of posts as they appear in the list below.
Here's May's edition for your giggling pleasure.
Instructions
1. Grab my button and paste it at the top or bottom of your post, to enable readers to get back to the main list. (Please let me know if the code doesn't work. It's the first time I've tried this!)
2. Publish your post on your blog.
3. Add your post URL to the Linky tool below and watch your post appear as if by magic to the main list.
Thanks for sharing!
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